Letter 1 - Introduction Dear beautiful young lady, These series of letters are meant to be read in order to make the most sense. I wrote them so we don’t waste each other’s time with sweet nothing banters only to be surprised by some deal breaking discovery about the other which suddenly halts the budding interlude between you and I. I wrote these letters so we could more quickly get past some of the bigger stuff and spend more time on the building our relationship together. Two parables I wish to share before proceeding. First is the parable of barriers and hurdles. Barriers are things that can’t be overcome. They are what they are. Don’t hold it against them, it’s their nature to be immovable. The good news is these are rare. Then there are hurdles. These are challenges. Sometimes hurdles are disguised as barriers. Hurdles are very common and they challenge us to grow, to improve or test our skill in some way. You may be able to see two or more hurdles ahead of you in your path, but they are not able to be seen as sharply and clear as the hurdle directly in front of you. Once we have passed the hurdle in front of us the path to the next one comes into focus. Overcoming hurdles leads to achievements. Now barriers can change their nature and become hurdles and vice versa. So just because you ran into a barrier earlier in your life, please don’t be afraid to revisit that barrier because you may just discover it is now a hurdle instead. The next parable I want to share is about checkpoint and milestones. Checkpoints are places where we can check the progress we have made thus far. We all come from different directions but somehow find each other at a common injunction in each other’s lives. Major endpoints are known as milestones. Reading these letters are checkpoints and if you read through to the end you will have reached a milestone. And what may be a milestone for me may be a checkpoint for you and vice versa. Letter 2 - Five Areas of Attraction This letter is derived from a book I read a while back entitled: Improve Your Social Skills by Daniel Wendler. The five areas are: Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, Intellectual and Passional. Throughout our lives we should be improving on each of these areas and our eternal companion should be someone who helps us improve in each of these areas. And by nature, the more you improve in any of these areas the more attractive you become in that one area and overall as well. Physical - I am going over this one first because it is the most controversial and is the biggest deal breaker for most I imagine. It is not a complete deal breaker for me but it is high up on my list. Especially for online dating purposes when we are not physically present when first meeting. I also don’t like people who take selfies angled in such a way as to hide their weight or overall appearance. It’s an easy way to lie to get online dates. So to anyone who is classified as per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) as overweight or obese per your Body Mass Index (BMI), I’m sorry but that would be a barrier to continue dating. Sorry if this upsets you but I had to draw a line in the sand somewhere and this is where I drew mine. I won’t go into all my reasons for this choice but here is one of them. Studies have shown one’s outer appearance has more to do with what you eat and how you live your life than what genes you were born with. Your outer appearance is an expression of how you take care of yourself physically, what you think about yourself psychology and how you feel about yourself emotionally. These are all expressions of the world you build around yourself and a painting of your outlook on life. And I am sorry but I really do not want to date someone who chooses not to take care of themselves, then you add the responsibility of helping to care for a spouse on top of that and children on top of that. Your body says a lot about who you are. So it not all about having an attractive body, though that is a part of it. And I do believe there must be at least some level of physical attraction between two people when entering a romantic relationship together. The CDC states a BMI of less than 18.5 is considered underweight and a BMI of 18.5 to <25 is considered healthy weight and I would be interested in pursuing a relationship with someone having either of these BMIs. Emotional - Your emotions are a very important part of making you who you are. I desire to be in a symbiotic emotional relationship with my future spouse. I want this because when we are overcoming hurdles together there will be times you will need to rely on me and other times when I will need to rely on you. And what happens if we hit a barrier together, like one of us getting cancer? If I am dragging you down or you are dragging me down, someone is going to start drowning emotionally and that’s when the panic sets in and stupid choices are made. I do not want that for either of us. If you are currently in an emotionally dependent state or not emotionally stable at this stage in your life, that would be a barrier for me. If you are in a good place emotionally, I would be interested in pursuing a relationship with you. Spiritual - I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS), more commonly known as Mormons. We are Christians. One of our core doctrines we believe in is eternal marriage, not just till death do us part. If we get married I would want you to be my wife for time and all eternity. If you are not LDS this would be a HUGE hurdle for me. My LDS Christian values are vital to my everyday living. I can’t live a life without my dear sweet Heavenly Father and my Elder brother Jesus Christ being a daily part of that. If you are LDS but are not following the commandments and keeping your covenants this would be a SERIOUS hurdle for me as well. I would constantly pester you about becoming temple worthy so we could go to the temple together both during our courtship and after we marry. If this is not something you are interested in pursuing than this would be a barrier for me. Intellectual - I think differently than most other people. And I will explain more in my next letter. I am slow of thought and not quick-witted. I enjoy deep conversations and the exploration of conceptual thought. I enjoy discussing art and its interpretation thereof. I am a little socially awkward and do not understand many of the rules neurotypicals establish as social norms. If you are the type of person who is always going to be putting me up on a pedestal expecting me to always have the answer or make all the decisions than I apologize. You don’t need to be able to solve every problem, that’s why I’m here. We’ll figure it out together. But being able to think critically is crucial. If you are not able to do that then this would be a serious barrier for me. If you have any type of mental health disorder, depending on the severity this may be a hurdle or barrier. Passional - What are you doing with your life? As per the book: Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes by Gordon B. Hinckley - he essentially says you can’t just be good, you have to be good for something. Just being a bump on a log doesn’t do anyone any good. What are you passionate about in life, what are your goals, aspirations, dreams, items you want to accomplish during your lifetime? If you literally have no direction in your life, this would be a barrier for me. I can’t just sit around all day doing nothing. But the good news is this is one of the easiest barriers to change into a hurdle. These are my five areas of attraction. Don’t forget we are dating to see if we want to possibly get married one day. In the movie Before We Go (2014), Harry, a psychic and widow was asked what he learned from all his years of marriage, he said: “...there is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just have to pick who you want to struggle with.” And remember what the Apostle Elder Robert D. Hales once said: “None of us marry perfection; we marry potential.” What are you scared of, we are in this together, remember. I want to be able to say to my future wife what the character Baby said to Johnny in the movie Dirty Dancing (1987). After a series of crazy events throughout the day and questioning herself about how she feels about Johnny, she walks into his cabin and said: “I'm scared of everything! I'm scared of what I saw. I'm scared of what I did, who I am. I'm scared of walking out of here and never feeling for the rest of my life... the way I feel when I'm with you!” I want to feel the same way about you that Alex Whitman felt when talking to Isabel Fuentes when he proposes to her in the movie Fools Rush In (1997). After a chance encounter with a stranger named Isabel earlier in the day, she ends up driving him to meet her family. After the festive family dinner, she drives him back to his car. And when she is about to drive away out of his life forever, he stands in front of her jeep and says: “This afternoon I couldn't decide between a Texas burger and a tuna melt. But my life made sense, you know? And now I know exactly what I want. And my life doesn't make any sense. I was doing great this afternoon. That was me. It was me then. And now I'm with you, and I don't know what happened. But somewhere between the tuna melt and your aunt's tamales... I was worried that I'd already met the woman of my dreams... at the dry cleaners and I was too busy to notice. But then you show up, and I realize that's not true. Because you're the one. You are everything I never knew I always wanted. I'm not even sure what that means, but I think... it has something to do with the rest of my life.” I want to love you so deeply and profoundly that I can say something like that to you. Letter 3 - Current and On-Going State of Affairs I want to tell you about three things that are currently going on in my life and that are important to me. If you are going to be a part of my life I am not going to sugar coat what’s going on. Now that’s not to say we can’t laugh and have fun along the way. My children - I have six. If we get far enough along in our dating relationship you will eventually be introduced to them. So yes, I will need you to play the part of mom to my children. If you already have children this prospect may be scary for you. Which I completely understand, or you may be on the other end of the spectrum and have no *Email Blocked* either case they are a part of my life and there really will not be a part of our union where they will not be a part of it. If this is a barrier for you, I understand and respect your decision not to further a relationship with me. I commend you for getting this far and wish you well on your dating. Autism - I am diagnosed with Autism Level 1 and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I will not go into the reasons of what caused this at this time. So now I am sure you are asking what that means exactly? This kind of goes back to the Intellectual Attraction section in the previous letter. I have linked some YouTube videos below to help explain some of my behavior. But if this is a barrier for you, I understand. Without long conversations the best I can tell you right now is COMMUNICATION is key. Meaning using signals, verbal communication, written communication and interpretive communication. I rely on interpretive communication heavily because it is so powerful, poignant and useful. I remember reading the blog of one wife who said she had to re-learn how to date her husband before they got married because all the social dating norms neurotypicals are familiar with pretty much go out the window with aspies. Aspies is short for people like me. As I stated in the previous letter, I am slow of thought and not quick-witted. Daily structure and routines calm my anxiety. If we have already communicated you may have commented to me or to yourself that you would have never known I was autistic. On the surface I play a very good spy is the best way to think of it. And I do this not to deceive others or to be nefarious. I do this in effort to be as normal as possible. Like Jordan the female navy seal trainee said to one of her commanding officers in the movie G.I. Jane (1997) I just want to be treated like everyone else. However, the longer you communicate with me the more easily you will be able to spot my autistic behaviors. And just to clarify this misconception, autistic behaviors don’t go away or get cured, they just get covered up or superficially modified. Another question you may be asking is aren’t I able to learn the social norms of neurotypicals. Yes, sort of. I can learn them but learning them for me is like trying to master all the rules for a very complicated rule-based game. And not just memorize them but understanding how one individual rule intermingles with all the other rules. Then learning how the next rule intermingles with all the other rules plus the previous one I just got done learning. It’s like you learning and having an in-depth understanding of Interstellar Planetary Physics. In the end I really don’t want to start dating at age 85. I have no desire to learn the rules to please the snobbish whims of an ever-changing society who decide what the latest trends ought to be. But I will learn the ones that pertain to you and to us. Anyway, here are those links I mentioned previously. They are in no particular order and please feel free to watch other videos that may interest you. These are just the ones I found which I felt were helpful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bs63f-uFIc0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR_bTAB6b6Q https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vry6Z-JH-hk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9lvFhArC_E&t= 2s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ0vEae1j9A https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AX0q43h2Ukw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SukO28tQywI&t= 1s Finances/Debt - Last thing really quick. Since this is said to be the cause of many divorces and definitely something I want to avoid, I want to get it out there. I am in debt for past financial blunders. I am paying off quite a bit every month, But at the time of this writing it will take almost two years to pay off. If this is a barrier for you, I’m sorry. Letter 4 - General Sense of Future Life Plans This is in essence my answer to the Passional Attraction section in Letter 2. I have a passion for giving service to others. This one desire pretty much dictates all other decisions in my life. Where I want to live, how I want to live, what I will be doing for the rest of my life, etc. This is a very specific focus of where I want to take my life, but it is not set in stone. I want to include you in these plans. You are going to be a part of my life and what you think and what you have to say matters to me. If any of this is a barrier to you, I’m sorry and wish you well on your future dating. Where to live? I love the Pennsylvania Dutch Amish countryside. The rolling hills of green grass and the vast groves of Washington White Oak trees is something I am totally in love with. And my favorite National Park is there - Bowman's Hill Wildflower Preserve and Bowman's Hill Tower. Not to mention all the rich history of the Founding Fathers. I totally dig that stuff. How to live? I do not care to live in a high maintenance big home. The way I see it, the less time you have to spend cleaning the more time you have to spend with family, scripture study and doing other fun activities. Heck yeah! What’s the solution then? A trailer. This can be something we can discuss. What I would like to do for the rest of my life. Jobwise - live off of my investments so I do not have to go to a job every day. This way I can invest my time in others which is the greatest investment of all. I want to spend my life going on service vacations. What are service vacations? They are vacations you go on to various parts of the world but you do service projects while living among the people of that country. It’s not just a sightseeing vacation. Instead we would be making friends and building toilets for a village that does not have any, installing a water supply pipeline where there isn’t one, things like that. That is what I want to do for the rest of my life - serve others. Bodhi the surfing bank robber says something to the FBI agent tracking him down to explain to him why he does what he does. Bodhi says: "[It’s] Not tragic to die doing what you love." Point Break (1991). Letter 5 - What I look for in an Eternal Companion Essentially it is the 5 areas of Attraction. It’s okay if you do not EXACTLY fit what I describe. In Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977) Han Solo is a starship pilot was hired to transport some passengers to another planet. When the travelers arrived at the starship dock, one of the passengers said the ship looked like a piece of junk. In response Han said: “She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid. I've added some special modifications myself.” You are unique. That is an interesting word. To me the word unique means that no matter how hard you look in the entire known universe you will never find another one like that one. So just because you don’t fit what I describe does not mean you don’t have all the right stuff to be the coolest eternal companion ever! Keep being the awesome person you are because that is what attracted me to you in the first place. Like Han’s ship, what special modifications have you done to make you who you are and not just another pretty face on a dating site? The following characteristics are what I usually find attractive, but do not forget the above paragraph footnote. Physical - Straight hair, standing approximately 5’-5” tall or shorter, healthy weight or underweight. Smiles. ???? Emotional - In a good place emotionally/emotionally stable. Not dependent on others emotionally. Overall mood is good and happy. Spiritual - MUST be a commandment following, covenant keeping LDS member living a temple worthy life or have a current temple recommend. And if you are not a member, that fine, it’s just a hurdle. But you do have to gain a testimony all on your own. I will be there to answer questions and perhaps give guidance or direction, but you must have a pure desire to gain a testimony for yourself and not at all whatsoever for me in any way. Intellectual - Preferably neurotypical, but do not have to be. I like to have deep conversations about art, movies, song lyrics, questions that start out like: have you ever wondered…. Someone who is into nerdy stuff. I am curious about the world around me and ask lots of questions. Someone who challenges me to think harder and differently. How do you see the world differently and not just the same as everybody else? How can we help each other see the world from our own unique perspectives? Passional - I want to root for you. I want to see my wife succeed. I want to be your helpmeet, your number 1 fan. What hobbies do you do? What fascinates you, what do you get so excited about you just have to go explore it? Share that with me, I want to know. Personality - Have a happy and/or bubbly personality. Likes my dry sense of humor. Is also curious about the world around her. Patience is a good quality to have. A strong woman with a gentle touch, a strong head and a forgiving heart. Someone who has a gamer mentality in that they will never give up. Someone who can recognize my potential and see the masterpiece hidden underneath. Family - Preferably someone who grew up in the Church and is lovingly close to their parents and has a big family. Pacing - If you made it this far and are still interested in dating, then I think we have hit our first milestone. Time to celebrate! Heck Yeah! As far as pacing goes, if we make it past more than a couple of dates, and when the both of us feel ready to officially declare we are an item/boyfriend and girlfriend, I want you to know I plan on dating for at least 1 year before getting more serious. I want to go through every holiday, birthday, etc. before we think about anything else. The reason for this is so we can figure out our own pacing and use signals, verbal communication, written communication and interpretive communication. This one is more a learning curve between you and I more than anything else. Another reason is because my previous wife and I met, dated and were married in two months. I definitely do not want to do that again.

See above.