Walking in truth
There is a reason for this being called a
"singles" website and there is a reason
why "married" is not an option in the
pull-down menu for marital status. It was
probably a Freudian slip but in one of her many
Internet profiles, my wife mentioned that money is
“very” important to her. What she neglects to
mention is that money is so important to her that
after filing for a divorce she committed state and
federal offenses by forging my signature on our
tax refund checks and some of the money, that
should have been used to pay for Utah state taxes,
was sent to her family in the Philippines instead.
It would appear that my wife did not read the
second page of her copy of our divorce summons
which addresses standard family law restraining
orders. It would also appear that she has reached
the depths of being immoral and unethical. It
seems that as long as CA909 or CArmstrong909 can
justify her crimes then it is okay for her to
ignore even religious commandments such as, “You
must not steal.” When we first met, it was
based on her religion that I thought that she
would be fair and honest. I see now that she is
neither.
You should seriously consider your involvement
with CA909 /
CArmstrong909/ShadowUS/Gemini92373/CA92373 at this
time. She is NOT single and you will be dragged
into what has become a messy divorce and that is
probably the last thing that you had in mind when
you signed up to become a member of this
LDS/Mormon “singles” website. As a member of
my wife’s audience of potential suitors, I
believe that there are facts that you should
know.
It was recently brought to my attention that my
wife is soliciting male “friendship” while
using LDS/Mormon singles websites such as this
one. That sounds harmless enough but my wife has
used these websites to express her bad feelings
about me and to “air her dirty laundry”. My
wife wants to be a part of these social networks
but doesn’t want to be good netizen by telling
the truth about who she really is or her current
situation. Instead, she would prefer to lie to
you and to lie about members of her own church and
family. My wife is only telling you half the
truth in order to get you to like a part of her
that is pretentious because she knows that if you
knew the real content of her character then there
would be no possibility of you having any respect
for her, let alone like for her. My wife is not
being honest with you in representing our current
marital status nor is she being honest with you
about our current living arrangement. In essence,
my wife is deceiving you just as she has been
deceiving me, her family, her friends and her
church. She has been living a deceptive and
secret life on the Internet, as far as I know,
since April of 2008. When initially asked about
these “activities” she justified it by calling
it “role playing”. I call it lying, immoral
and risky. She lives in a dream world. Here
again, my wife has made the choice to ignore the
fundamental commandments or controls that go along
with hers or any other religion.
I am typically a very reserved and private person
but when I found my wife’s profile that included
pictures of our home and children on the Internet
and when I read the messages to and from her
Internet boyfriends painting me in a bad light, I
determined that the truth had to be told. I’m
writing this message to let you know that my
family is real and the story that you are about to
read is real. Although this appears to be a
television soap opera, the situation and the
people involved are all real and as a result, I
interpret the risks that go along with the
behavior that she displays on the Internet and her
cell phone as being just as real.
Even though my wife expresses her desire to get a
divorce almost every 28 days, the individual that
goes by member ID CA909 or CArmstrong909 on these
LDS/Mormon singles websites is NOT divorced. My
wife’s monthly threats of divorce have been
going on since the beginning of our marriage,
which was almost 14 years ago. My wife wants all
the benefits and comforts of our marriage but does
not want to be fully committed to it. My wife has
been on these Mormon “singles” websites since
April of 2008 but she didn’t file for a divorce
until June of 2008. Interestingly, April of 2008
is the date that she entered on her divorce papers
for when she separated from her husband. To my
surprise, I had no idea that we were separated.
In fact, until the 2nd day in July of 2008, I had
no idea that my wife had even filed for a divorce,
meaning that we were not and currently are not
separated, either legally or physically -- and it
is now July of 2009.
Just before filing for a divorce, my wife was
caught living her secret Internet life and sending
sexy pictures of herself to her Internet male
“friends” and encouraging them to call her.
Whenever I mention our impending divorce to our
friends and members of our family, their response
is always concern for our children. Since filing
for a divorce appears to be her reaction to
getting caught, it would lead one to believe that
she had a total disregard for what a divorce would
do to her own two young children as well as to
other members of her family that we provide care
and support for. I don’t think that she
realizes that her total disregard for her
children’s concern will have an impact on their
current lifestyle and as a result the way they
will live for the rest of their lives.
Just to let you know, we currently live together
in the same house and even share the same bed. In
a message such as this, I don’t want to be too
explicit so I will leave it to your imagination as
to why I was unaware that we were “supposedly”
separated going back as far as April of 2008. I
guess we are separated in my wife’s mind
whenever it was convenient for her. She has told
people on the Internet that we do not love our
house. I’m not sure who “we” is in those
conversations but my children and certainly I love
our house and we get an immense amount of joy from
it. I would have to believe that my wife does as
well, i.e., if she didn’t love it then why did
she proudly post pictures of it on these web
sites?
Also living with us is her elderly mother whom, at
the insistence of my wife, I sponsored (along with
my wife’s elderly father) to come to the United
States from the Philippines. My wife “uses”
her mother to “assist” her with her
responsibilities *Email Blocked*, when I say
“use”, I really mean use. Basically, her
mother does ALL of the house work! It’s so
unfortunate because her mother is elderly and has
arthritis. She loves to work in the yard planting
and grooming flowers. There have been times when
I’ve come home and her mother makes it a point
to show me how swollen her fingers are from her
arthritis. I find it unfortunate that her own
daughter uses her to wash our clothes and clean
our house while spending hours upon hours on the
Internet or at the YMCA or on her precious
elliptical machine. Yet when CA909 comes into our
house she enters through the laundry and won’t
even bother with putting cloths in the washer or
the dryer on wash day. And, when her mother is
folding clothes, there is never an offer of
assistance. And, when her mother is done folding
the clothes, the clothes will just sit there on
our kitchen table until anyone but her puts them
away. Unlike her mother, I see it as an
opportunity and use it to teach our children that
they need to be responsible by taking their folded
cloths to their rooms and put them away.
Ironically, my wife even used her own mother to
serve me with the divorce papers. In the
Philippines, they don’t have divorce and her
mother told me that she had no idea what the
papers were about and since my wife often does not
communicate with her mother, I have no reason not
to believe her. I explained the document to my
mother-in-law and read to her the portion that
says, “You are being sued.”
When my mother-in-law is here, my wife shares a
bed with her in our downstairs bedroom. Knowing
about how her daughter is, my mother-in-law once
told me that she often prays for her in hopes that
she would become a better person. I couldn’t
help but reply to her that while she is on her
knees on one side of the bed praying her daughter
is on her knees on the other side of the bed with
prayers of her own. Then after her prayer has
been issued, she takes action by getting off her
knees and getting on her laptop. I tried to
explain to my mother-in-law that sometimes that
prayer that is answer is the prayer that is
followed up on with action and one would have to
wonder to what extent prayer had to do with it.
You should also note that the pictures that my
wife posted on these LDS/Mormon singles websites
are pictures that were recently taken in and
around our home where we live together with our
two children, ages 4 and 10. To my surprise, some
of the pictures that my wife posted were even
taken by and include our children, whom I’m sure
had no idea that their mother would use them to
post on a Mormon ‘singles’ websites. As you
can imagine, I’m concerned about how this might
affect them later on in their lives. In today’s
information society anything and anyone can be
searched on the Internet. Based on my own search
results, I have no doubt that someday our children
will find the many postings and “singles”
website memberships that my wife belonged to
during her marriage to their father. One can’t
help but wonder why she didn’t ask the members
of her church to take pictures of her to post to
these singles websites and if she doesn’t
“love” her home, as she puts it, then why not
take pictures of herself while at church or while
visiting the nearby Temple, which she says she
loves? Instead, she chose to take advantage of
the innocence of her own children in order to post
pictures of them and our home on many LDS singles
websites.
My wife is taking us down a very dangerous path
that will have an ever lasting impact on all of
us. I have a special relationship with my
children and I had hoped that their lives and
their lifestyle would not change. But it looks
like it will come to an end soon and I realize
that I need to begin the process of helping them
figure out how to deal with the change as well as
figure out how I can assist them in ways other
than providing this house for them to live in
since it is entirely possible that it will be lost
as a result of the divorce process.
During one of her “role playing” episodes with
her main Internet boyfriend, my wife claimed to
have property in San Diego. The truth is that the
property is my name because her credit was so bad
that she couldn’t qualify. And even though the
loan officers and brokers warned her that the deal
was not good, at the threat of divorce she
insisted that I buy the property. Later, I found
out that her Filipina real estate agent had
promised her that she would make thirty thousand
dollars on quick turn-around. To this day, I
don’t believe that my wife thoroughly
understands that she was victim of a scam and was
scammed by a fellow Filipina. Even though she
wrote a three page angry letter to her fellow
Filipina real estate agent, to me she insists that
the deal went bad because of a bad economy. Yet,
no where in the letter does she once mention the
economy. What a mixed up individual. As
materialistic as she is, I’m sure that my value
to her has diminished considerably now that
“her” rental property has gone into
foreclosure thus the hunt for her next “sugar
daddy”. The sad thing about the whole
“property in San Diego” mess is that my wife
considers herself a real estate agent. She’s a
real estate agent that takes advantage of her
family for her own material gains. Based on the
past due property tax notices and credit card
bills that come to our house in the name of her
siblings and her parents, I know that she has
property in their names as well but she has yet to
disclose how much, where the property is or with
whom. The problem that I see with people like her
is that they always think that you are doing what
they are doing and will do everything that they
can to justify their actions. I don’t have
property in my name or in the names of members of
my family and I’m not on the Internet searching
for someone of my religion while being married to
someone else. In her need to justify her actions,
she has searched to see and has found nothing
because there is nothing to be found. I have
nothing to hide.
Through deceptive and secretive acts, my wife
demonstrates that she has low moral standards that
are increasingly difficult for me to accept. She
has definite double-standards, in that she expects
me to pay for services such as the Internet and
her cell phone, both of which she uses to contact
her Internet boyfriends. My wife does not assist
in paying ANY of our budgeted household expenses.
Yet, she considers the cell phone and the Internet
hers for her “private” use to talk about me
behind my back and to invite her male
“friends” into our home via the Internet –
so far. I never imagined that I would be this
disappointed in an individual but I am so
disappointed in her. As a result, I have no
problem with getting a divorce. In fact, based on
her true nature (which she describes as being part
of her DNA) and her recent activities when coupled
with her very recent racial slurs and online
slanders about me to her male “friends”, I
believe that it would be in the best interest of
both of us as well as our children. It’s time
to stop “wishing backwards” and to start
moving forward.
It is obvious now that this individual has no
desire to change her character and I look forward
to when I can say that CA909 or CArmstrong909 is
no longer my wife and she does not represent me or
my family’s name. As a Temple Recommend Mormon,
she is a representative of the church of Latter
Day Saints. I am actually relieved that this
ordeal will finally be over. Like my wife’s
mother, who recently decided to give up the fight
with her daughter and to go live with her other
daughter that lives in the state of Washington, I
too have given up on this 13 year struggle with
what has become a hypocritical and unpredictable
monster. I’ve learned that if you can’t TRUST
your partner or the person that you’re married
to and they insist on living a secret life behind
closed (and often locked) doors, then you have no
relationship and if legally married, then you have
no marriage. There’s nothing to save! Not only
does she insist on biting the hand that feeds her
but in the case of her mother, my wife insists on
biting the hand that is performing her household
duties while she’s out being disrespectful. It
seems that as long as CArmstrong909 can justify
her actions then it is okay for her to ignore
religious commandments or controls such as,
“Respect your father and mother.”
Sadly, in our case, there are two children
involved and it is for that reason alone that I
ask that you not contact my wife until we are
legally (and/or physically) separated or divorced.
For some strange reason, my wife has immaturely
justified here actions and she sees no problem or
harm with what she is doing. It may be a cultural
difference since there is no legal divorce process
in the Philippines. Who knows? In either case,
I’m hoping that you are mature enough to
understand and have respect for our laws, our
culture and our customs. As mentioned, my wife
has been doing this since April of 2008 and has
apparently gone through a justification process in
her mind in order to get to the insane point that
she is at right now. Her own LDS/Mormon home
teacher has said that in her mind, we were
separated in April of 2008 and are now divorced.
And, when mentioning this to the courts, she
indicates that the reason that she selected
‘Divorced’ for her Internet singles profile on
these LDS websites, is because ‘Married’ was
not an option. Yet, amazingly, she refers to me
as her “ex-husband” when “chatting” with
her male “friends” and when “role playing”
and inviting them to our house for dinner. She
purposely neglects to tell them (i.e., you) that
she is still married, lives with her husband and
is raising two children.
For me, her family, her close friends and members
of her church, this was a big surprise since she
had been doing this in such secrecy. As my
attorney points out, the process for the rest of
us is just beginning and she is far ahead of us.
As far as the kids go, they know very little of
this but are learning more and more with each
passing day and with each argument that they
observe. I honestly believe that my wife filed
for a divorce during one of her emotional rages
and with complete disregard of the emotional
impact that it would have on our two children as
well as her mother and other members of her
family.
For someone that professes to love her children,
like she does in her Internet profiles, I find
that shameful. When a loving mother comes home at
night, I would think that she would be anxious to
see her babies, yet I have to plead with my wife
to go upstairs and say hello or good night to her
own kids after not seeing them all day. They know
that she has arrived and I can only wonder what
goes through their little minds knowing that their
mother is home and won’t greet them unless for
some reason they acknowledge her first.
Yesterday (i.e., 05/09/09 – the day before
mother’s day), the kids and I went to the park
where they had fun rolling down a hill. My
daughter began to get itchy so we decided to leave
so that they could both take a bath. My wife was
home and decided to do her Karaoke “thing”
downstairs. I asked her to please turn it down
because our daughter was in the bath tub and I
needed to hear her in case she needed something.
She replied that I should just go in there with
her. Even though she would not turn the volume
down, I decided to just let it go since I was in
no mood to argue with her. My daughter is
becoming of the age where she wants her mother to
spend more time with her and when I checked on our
daughter she asked me if I would ask her mom to
come help her with her bath and I agreed. I
called her mother and let her know that her
daughter wanted her. With a great deal of
reluctance, she came upstairs but left the Karaoke
machine on. I noticed that she was assisting our
daughter take a bath so, I went downstairs and
turned it off since I was trying to concentrate on
something that was work related. After assisting
our daughter she went back downstairs and turned
it back on and began singing loudly - again.
Meanwhile, our daughter was putting her pajamas on
and after she was done she picked out a movie and
wanted her mother to watch it with her so she
called downstairs to her mother again but she
couldn’t hear her calls. Eventually our
daughter came into our bedroom and asked me to
call downstairs to her mother, so I did. I also
mentioned to my wife that her daughter simply
wants to spend time with her. With a huff of
anger, my wife did eventually come upstairs but
she let it be known that she was not happy and
during our conversation asked that I never call
for her at all not even on behalf of our daughter.
Fortunately, that request was in a room where the
children did not hear her. But as she walked down
the hallway, she used other vulgar language that
I’m sure that they did hear. While I thought
that she came upstairs to watch the movie with our
daughter, I found out that she was actually taking
a bath in the water that our daughter had just
used and our daughter was in her room watching the
movie by herself. I asked my daughter if she
would like for me to watch the movie with her
instead and she said yes. We watched Pinocchio
3000. In that movie there is a character that is
not a very nice person and my four year old
daughter asked me, “Why is he so evil”. So
that I would not make reference to her mother, I
hesitated before responding and provided the
appropriate response of “I don’t know, he just
doesn’t like kids”. Somehow, I think that my
four year old daughter was making her own
connections. No child should be subject to such
cruelty, especially from one of their own parents.
I fell asleep before the movie ended, but I would
like to think that the evil parent in the movie
became a nice parent by the end of the movie. My
daughter wanted to watch it again so I went back
to my bed and I’m sure that she fell asleep
during the second showing. Later on that night
when I checked on the kids, I found my wife
sleeping with our daughter. I believe that her
conscious was bothering her. At least, I hope
that it was.
The next day when my wife asked our daughter if
she wanted to go to church with her, our daughter
replied in a gentle and kind voice but said no. I
expected a rude reply from my wife but, if there
was one there, she held it in. As a result, my
wife spent mother’s day with members of her
church instead with her children who had earlier
greeted her with the appropriate happy mother’s
day and cards that they had proudly made for her
at school and daycare. After determining that
neither of them wanted to go to church with her, I
decided that we would visit my mother and
step-mother instead. During the ride, I
couldn’t help but wonder how my wife would
explain to her church members why her children
were not in attendance. I’m sure that my name
was used during that conversation, if it occurred.
Later on that night, after taking a bath and
getting ready for bed, they both eventually looked
for their mother who was downstairs exercising on
her elliptical machine. My son looked around for
her upstairs and when I asked what for, he
indicated that he wanted her to read the
scriptures to him while he fell asleep. My
daughter simply said that she wanted mommy when I
checked on her in her room but never said why. I
pleaded with both of them to just let it go and to
go to sleep, which they eventually did.
I guess I shouldn’t mind being the brunt end of
my wife’s hostility because if I weren’t here
then it would probably be directed towards my son.
I would much rather have her direct her hostility
towards me than towards either of them. For our
children, their healing process has yet to begin
and that is what I would like for you to try and
understand most of all. I believe that most
everyone involved is now ready to move on but like
any state where a lawsuit involves children; I
believe that the interest of the children should
come first and I would hope that you share that
belief. Unfortunately, of everyone involved, they
are the ones that are truly being deceived.
My wife currently spends hours “chatting”
online with her male “friends”. She is
seeking “love” on Mormon singles websites
while being legally married to and living with
another man. How shameful is that? In my
opinion, that in and of itself is an act of
adultery and being a fundamental Judeo
commandment, I would think that would be against
the teachings of the Mormon Church. My wife sends
her male “friends” sexy pictures of herself,
flirtatious email and Internet messages and even
has cell phone conversations with them that last
for hours. I know because the calls appear on my
telephone bill and I can easily detect the calls
to her Internet male “friends” based solely on
the amount of time for each call. Yet the amount
of time spent talking on the phone with her
children is considerably less and on most days
nonexistent. When asked about the amount of time
that she spends on her cell phone with these
individuals, my wife told me not to worry because
it was during non-peak hours! With her first
interest being that of money, instead of a
relationship with her family, she missed the point
entirely. I can’t get her to call and check to
see how our children are doing but she’ll make a
long distance phone call to a man that she has
never met and will talk to him for hours because
these men make her “feel” good. You can
imagine what those conversations were about.
I’m sure that they had little or nothing to do
with the LDS church or her family.
Based on some of the messages that I’ve seen, I
believe that she also exchanges gifts with her
Internet boyfriends. I have watched her literally
fall asleep with her hands on the keyboard of her
laptop while “chatting” online. It’s truly
sad because this has become a sick pornographic
obsession of hers. It has become her form of
adult entertainment. She has said that the men
make her feel good about herself. When she said
that, I couldn’t help but think about how a drug
addict justifies their need. She seems to be
reverting back to her roots and acting in a manner
in which she conducted herself when living in the
Philippines and prior to her religious Mormon
conversion. Now her immoral activities are under
the disguise of, not only being a member of the
LDS/Mormon Church, but a member of the church in
good standing. There appears to be an obsessive
thrill that she gets out of hearing supposed
LDS/Mormon men that she doesn’t even know or
that she met on the Internet for the first time,
tell her that she is pretty and sexually
desirable. I can’t help but wonder about the
intent of most of those “Mormon” men. Based
on her responses, I'm sure that she is aware of
their ultimate intent and I would think that there
would be some question as to the Temple worthiness
of either party.
I work in the field of computer forensics and
it’s amazing to me what people will do and say
when they think that neither their God nor their
fellow man is watching. Church members as well as
her own mother have pleaded with her to
discontinue what she is doing and to pay more
attention to her family duties and her
responsibilities around the home. I don’t know
you, but I presume that since you joined this LDS
singles network that you are a decent individual
that is in search of an honest, descent,
non-deceptive, and legally available, Mormon lady.
I certainly don’t want to discourage you from
your search. I am sure that there are members of
this website that are true to their religion and
that are honest with their fellowman. In fact, I
applaud your effort and only wish that I had been
lucky enough to find that type of individual
during my correspondence and similar search almost
14 years ago. I can’t stop my wife from having
the type of character or personality that she has
or from taking advantage of the freewill that God
gave all of us or from taking advantage of the
comforts that I’ve been so fortunate enough to
provide to her, her mother, her family in the
Philippines and our children at this time.
In one conversation, my wife scorned one of her
potential suitors that she had invited over for
dinner during their initial “role playing”
encounters because he “kissed” her during
their online conversation. And yet, during that
same conversation, she “kissed” him not only
once but twice. Then, after leading him on, she
got angry with him because he wanted more. After
he swore at her, she replied with the same
expletive and then had the audacity to tell him
that Mormons don’t’ talk that way. Can you
believe that? What a sick and disgusting
individual. Unfortunately, not only does she not
see the shame of it all but my wife doesn’t even
see the risk in what she is doing by inviting
complete strangers over to our house. These are
complete strangers! Not only is she self-centered
but she is self-destructive.
When I tried to explain the risks to my wife she
replied that she could validate their membership
through their Mormon Bishops. Once again, she
just didn’t get it! I found that response to be
so odd. My daughter is of the age now that she
wants to spend more and more time with her mother
and the last thing that I need is some individual
from one of these LDS Singles sites stalking
members of my family because of a one night stand
that she has promised them simply because they
belong to the exclusive Mormonism club. My
attorney, who is not Mormon, believes that she
belongs to a Mormon sex singles club. I’m not
even Mormon and I was offended by his comment
because I grew up with Mormons and have many
Mormon friends. Even though his comment seemed
like an oxymoron, he had read the many messages
and had to call as he saw it. I don’t know
about that but I do know that she is truly a
confused individual when it comes to the Mormon
Church. After all, she’s married and living a
lie while at the same time trying to validate
through the church if someone else is telling her
a lie. I can’t help but wonder if she has
checked with her own Bishop. Someone needs to
straighten her out and it would appear that the
church has absolutely no control over her actions
and no desire to teach her right from wrong. When
I mentioned to her that her home teacher would
like for her to stop these types of activities,
her reply was simply, “He’s not my Bishop.”
She thinks that by calling herself Mormon that she
is in a class that makes her better than everyone
else. I realize that the LDS Church is a church
of exclusion but I didn’t realize that by
calling yourself LDS that it gives you the right
to have double-standards, to be deceitful, to lie
about your marital status and to be disrespectful
to members of your family.
My wife has begun to lie so much that it is now
difficult to tell when she’s telling the truth.
She recently (04/28/09) even implicated the
president of the relief society for her Ward in
one of her lies by indicating that the president
is assisting her with finding a good divorce
attorney. Of course, she mentioned this to one of
her Internet boyfriends. And, yet that lie was in
response to yet another lie, which was to her
boyfriend in Virginia after he caught her in the
second lie to him about being divorced. Not only
was her response filled with lies but it was also
filled with excuses for not meeting appointments
that are required as part of the divorce
process.
Obviously, I can’t defend myself during these
“I’ll do it behind his back” conversations
that make my wife look so cheap and so low class.
I can’t stop her “DNA”, as she puts it, from
making her be who she is. I can’t stop her from
that but I can stop her from inviting her many
male “friends” into our house through the
Internet. Somehow, my wife has justified her
misuse of our comforts such as her cell phone and
the Internet, which is a comfort that I use for my
work and that our children use for their
entertainment and education.
As a father, I monitor what my children watch on
TV and I especially monitor their Internet
activity. I’ve told my son that he is not to
watch certain shows that I’ve watched with him
and found to be offensive to a particular group of
people or just plain inappropriate. For his
protection, I check my growing son’s email
account on almost a daily basis. As a husband, I
never dreamed that I would have to worry about
monitoring my wife’s immature use of any comfort
that our family has been so fortunate to have at
this time in our lives but she is immaturely
putting our family at risk and amazingly - she
just doesn’t even get it. She installs software
such as K9 Watch Dog on our son’s computer but
it appears that she should have been concerned
about her inability to control her own Internet
usage.
On many occasions, my wife has explained to me
about how grateful and thankful she is that the
LDS church saved her from her immoral past. I
don’t think that she realizes that the church
did that by enforcing controls that the church
expects its members to live by. Any church has
controls and expects its leaders to abide by and
to enforce those controls on its members. After
all, that is the whole idea behind commandments.
Yet, when I try to get her to abide by the simple
controls that would be expected in any
“normal” family, then I become the bad guy,
the guy that she describes to her Internet
boyfriends as her nemesis. On many occasions she
has called me controlling. I’m sure that one
day, CArmstrong909 won’t have the controls that
are enforced by her church or the controls that
come with being a member of a family and when that
day comes, I hope that my children and I are not
around her since she unknowingly and immaturely
invites danger into her life.
There are thousands of “singles” Internet
websites out there and my wife can always go to
one of them or even sign up while using another
user ID on this site. So, in order to prevent her
from neglecting our children and slandering me
behind my back while “chatting” online and
cheating in our own home, I decided to disconnect
our Internet service. It probably would have come
down to that anyway as a result of the divorce. I
have no idea what my wife’s intentions are. For
all I know, she is merely playing a dangerous game
with her church and with the emotions of everyone
involved, including you, her mother and her own
children. In my opinion, not only is my wife
immature but she is extremely naïve and only sees
things her way. In her mind, as long as it
benefits CArmstrong909 then it is okay and
doesn’t matter if it breaks any religious or
judicious laws.
I would like to request that the moderator of this
website either remove or suspend the account of
CA909 and/or CArmstrong909 until our divorce is
final. I would also like to request of you, as a
decent human being, that you try to understand
that my family is real and what we are going
through at this time is real and the risks that
are associated with “role playing” are not
worth destroying a family. I’ve been divorced
before, in fact, my wife and I have both been
divorced before. (Actually, I’m not sure if she
ever divorced her first husband since they were
married in the Philippines and she can provide no
evidence of their divorce.) I’m sure that we
can handle our divorce in the long run but this
will be a first for our young and sometimes
emotional children.
After years of being terrorized by their mother
with the threat getting divorced from their dad
because they won’t obey her commands, I believe
that even they have become callus towards her
threats. In the past, she has threatened them
with divorce for not wanting to go to church with
her. During a more recent temper tantrum, which
was observed by our children as well as by their
friends, she looked at our son during her rage and
said, “I’m divorcing your dad because he
doesn’t like Mormons”.
I find the statement to my son to be so wrong and
in so many ways:
First, the statement itself is not true. I grew
up in Salt Lake City, Utah with Mormons and have
many Mormon friends. My oldest daughter from a
previous marriage is married to a Mormon. They
were married in the Temple shortly after his
return from a Mormon mission. If I didn’t like
Mormons, then I would have taught my daughter to
not like Mormons but that wasn’t how I was
raised and that’s not how I raise my children.
If that were the case, then neither us would be
married to a Mormon. In my opinion, what my wife
interprets as my dislike for Mormons is actually
my dislike for the way that she treats her family
when it comes to her interpretation of the Mormon
belief. I have watched her ignore her own
children as the children and I entered the house
while she was feeding the local Mormon
missionaries. During that incident, the kids and
I didn’t receive an offer to join them to eat
food that I had provided or even a hello from her
as we walked by. I have watched her neglect her
own children in order to pursue sexually oriented
conversations with her Mormon Internet boyfriends.
I watched her own mother come to tears because my
wife did not defend her when Mormon Church members
at my wife’s Ward referred to my wife’s mother
as a traitor for going back to her Catholic
belief. I have read messages from my wife to her
Internet boyfriends as she describes feeding fruit
to her LDS sisters because of their weight and
then laughing about it.
Second, our son was not involved in the
conversation and did not ask a question such as,
“Why are you divorcing my dad?” And, to be
honest, at this point, I don’t believe that he
even cares why. Rightfully so, all that he cares
about is how a divorce might effect his world.
Like the others at the table, he was merely
observing as his Temple recommend mother threw one
of her many temper tantrums.
Third, I believe that it is wrong for her to tell
our son in such factual terms what “I” like or
what “I” don’t like – especially on the
subject of divorce and especially to our children.
How does she know what “I” believe, or who
“I” like or who “I” don’t like?
Fourth, why present a child with such a statement?
Even if it were true, what was she expecting him
to do about it? Was she expecting him to plead
with me to change my supposed dislike for Mormons
so that she wouldn’t go through with the
divorce? Who knows? What I do know is that it
was yet another of her many threats of divorce
being shamefully focused on our children. I
honestly don’t believe that she can even help
making these threats. It has become a natural
part of her way of ending a heated conversation.
It has become a part of her being. It is who she
is. It probably always was and probably always
will be and I have tried to explain that to our
children. I have also tried to explain it to her
but to no avail.
Fifth, if I didn’t like Mormons, it would not be
my preference that our four year old daughter
attends a daycare that is provided by a Mormon
family. It is my preference because I know that
the environment there is safe and that there are
controls there that will be enforced. On the
other hand, my wife would prefer that our daughter
be cared for by her Filipina friend whose children
have taught our daughter the ‘F’ word and how
to flip the bird. A friend that has left our
children with neighbors of hers that we don’t
know and have never met.
Sixth, it was my wife’s belief in the Mormon
Church that initially attracted me to her. I
envisioned an entirely different person than what
she is when she told me that she was a teacher in
the Philippines and loved children.
Unfortunately, I was under the impression that she
understood what it meant to be Mormon and how to
carry herself when representing the Mormon faith.
My wife may have served on a Mormon mission but
the mission that she serves now is a mission of
child neglect and the mission of obtaining selfish
items of material value not to mention her mission
of chasing young white Mormon men.
During the 2008 school year’s initial
Parent/Teacher conference, I asked my son what he
would like for his new teacher to know about him
and his reply was that his parents are getting
divorced. I was speechless. My ten year old son
is not sure what divorce is but he knows that it
breaks up families. Both of my young children
will be going through a lot and I don’t’ think
it would be appropriate for either of them to be
introduced to males that their mother is
“seeing” while still being married to and
living with them and their daddy. I really
don’t want to have to explain something like
that to them, especially at their young ages. As
is, there innocence has been lost and this is not
a healthy environment for them. So be considerate
and keep in mind that they have access to my
wife’s laptop and her cell phone, which my son
believes is his since it was given to him as a
backup and my wife uses it since I will no longer
provide her with a cell phone at my expense.
If her conversations were about her family or
about her children or even about her faith then I
might understand the amount of time that my wife
spends away from her children while “chatting”
online or while buying “things” on eBay. But
some of the instant messages and emails that
I’ve seen come into our home from these
LDS/Mormon “single” men are certainly not for
the eyes of a 10 year old little LDS saint that
thinks the world of his mother. In fact, I would
consider them to be pornographic and could have an
ever lasting impact on his view of his mother as
well as his view of the Mormon Church. Quite
often my son will ask his mother to read the Book
of Mormon to him while he goes to sleep at
night.
I don’t know you and have no reason to lie to
you. My intent is not to be mean spirited towards
you or even towards my wife. My wife and I have
our problems but those issues will either be
resolved or will dissipate over time. I am not a
member of the Mormon Church, but I am led to
believe that you are since you are visiting this
website. As a member, I would like to ask for
your consideration of our situation - as it truly
is and not as it has been presented to you by my
wife in her Mormon Singles profile or during her
possible conversations with you.
One night, I went to check on my son and to turn
off the light in his room since I believed that he
was asleep. Instead of being asleep, I found him
crying in his bed. When I asked what was wrong,
he replied, “Dad, I just want a normal
family.” Seeing my son cry over our family
situation brought tears to my own eyes. In his 10
years, he had never seen me cry and I had to
explain to him that the only time that would ever
happen is when I see that my children are in pain.
Then he asked me where his mother was and I had
no idea since she often leaves without telling
anyone where she is going or when we should expect
her to return. I believe that he was having a
hard time going to sleep and wanted his mother to
read the Book of Mormon to him. I asked him if he
wanted me to try and call her on her cell phone
and to my surprise he replied that he had already
tried that, which I believe was another point of
frustration for him.
While he was still crying, I asked him to go with
me downstairs to his grandmother’s room to see
if she could locate his mother or at least tell us
where she was or maybe when she might return. I
explained the situation to his grandmother and she
was also unsuccessful in locating her daughter and
didn’t know where she was or when she would
return.
When my wife did finally come home I explained the
situation to her and to my surprise she began to
laugh. I couldn’t believe it and mentioned to
her that, here I was trying to tell her that her
child was is pain and all that she could do was
smile and laugh. I didn’t see anything remotely
funny about the situation. Being frustrated with
the whole incident, and especially with not being
able to get through to her - again, I decided to
ask her LDS home teacher to intervene. Since her
home teacher is thoroughly aware of my wife’s
Internet and telephone activities, I figured that
he would understand and might even be able to
instill some compassion in my wife. I described
to him what my son had told me that night and to
my surprise the home teacher said that he knew my
son and didn’t believe that my son would ever
say something like that. Needless to say, I was
appalled and it was at that point in time that I
lost all respect for her home teacher who is an
elderly gentleman that I had pegged as possibly
having a problem with my racial background.
Basically, he had just called me a liar and pushed
aside any real concern for my son’s emotions. I
realized then that he had no idea who my wife was
and didn’t really know my son or my *Email
Blocked* more importantly, I realized that through
our casual conversations, I had not gotten to know
this elderly gentleman and did not know who he
really was either and my pre-judgment of him was a
lot more kinder to him than his pre-judgment of
me. Through our interactions over these incidents
with my wife, I came to know portions of his
character that I did not want around my family.
In my opinion, he suddenly represented those
Mormons that I grew up with in the 70’s that
believed that blacks were a lower class of
citizens and even though they could vote and die
for their country they could not hold priesthoods
in the Mormon Church. As a result, I told my son
that I didn’t want him around that home teacher
and also mentioned to the home teacher that I
thought that it would be best if didn’t come to
our home to do his “teaching”.
One Sunday, my 4 year old daughter decided that
she didn’t’ want to go with her mother to
church but then, about an hour later, changed her
mind. She quietly went upstairs to her room and
simply started to change into her Sunday clothes.
When I asked what she was doing, she replied,
“I’m changing clothes so that I can go to
church!” I couldn’t help but smile. We
hadn’t talked about it and I wondered how she
thought that she was going to get there. When I
asked, she let me know that I would be taking her!
Once again, I couldn’t help but smile. She is
so cute. Once we got to the church, we found the
classroom where my son was located. My wife was
not in that particular class but one of the
classroom teachers met us at the door and escorted
my daughter into the room and located a seat for
her. As I was leaving, I waved at my son from the
doorway and let him know that his sister was now
there as well. On the way out, I ran into my
wife’s home teacher and we joked as I explained
to him that when my daughter gets something in her
mind that she wants to do, she does it.
Days later, after being frustrated with the whole
‘divorce’ situation, it was during one of our
many conversations on the subject of my wife’s
Internet and telephone “activities” that my
wife’s home teacher, who once told me that the
church doesn’t get involved in divorces, let me
know that he would be there in the court by
wife’s side in order to let the court know that
I had once left my *Email Blocked* conclusion that
I was led to was that I can’t trust the members
of that Ward to care for and watch out for my
children in my absence even when their mother is
in attendance. As explained to my mother-in-law,
during any conversation that I have with my
wife’s home teacher, I always get the impression
that I am being pre-judged by him. He is an
elderly person and an ex-policeman. I can’t
help but wonder if his obvious pre-judgment of me
has to do with his dealings in law enforcement,
his up bringing, the color of my skin or all of
the above. This is the same individual that
suggested that I should leave my family. With
today’s divorce rates more than fifty percent, I
see that as one of the biggest problems with
families today and especially with black families.
I never thought that I would ever here a Mormon
say such a thing. His actual use of the ‘N’
word in our conversations concerning these
incidents with my wife came with such ease that it
was chilling. Later I decided to share with him
the autobiography of Dick Gregory. During one of
our last conversations, I asked that his “home
teaching” be done outside of our home. One day
at church, he informed my wife that he had read
the book in a couple of days. I would like to
believe that his message was more for her than for
me since he has my contact information and decided
to send the message through her. He knows that I
provided a copy to my wife and her mother as well.
As of yet, my wife hasn’t even opened it to the
first page and I don’t believe that she ever
will unless instructed to do so by the church.
Shortly after these incidents, I told my son that
I would no longer insist that he go to church with
his mother. He understands that he can go if he
wants to but it would be without my insistence. I
express that point with him every Sunday.
Needless to say, I don’t look forward to Sundays
because my wife has told him that he doesn’t
have a choice. I believe that it is important
that my son know that no one will force him go to
church and no one will force him stay away from
church. If he wants to go then he should go. I
know my son and I am of the opinion that he
understands that in reality he does have a choice.
In the Mormon Church, at the age of eight, the
males are allowed to “decide” if they want to
be baptized or not. But apparently at the age
ten, you are not allowed to “decide” if you
want to attend church or not because every Sunday
my wife chastises and criticizes him for not
wanting to attend. Her most recent tactic
includes bribes of money and promises of material
things that she has yet to follow through with.
Needless to say, he doesn’t go. Today
(05/17/09), while playing with a friend, who is
also LDS and who had spent the night, my wife
tried to bribe our son with $100.00, but he said
no. I’m not sure what she had in mind for the
friend since he quickly expressed that he only
attends church with his parents and was looking
forward to spending the remainder of the day
playing with our son. While standing between my
son and my wife, I took the $100 bill from her and
gave it to my son and then explained to her that
if you’re going to give him the money then just
do it – don’t bribe him, especially about
church. I explained that I don’t think that is
a good thing to do and that it teaches the wrong
lesson. At that point, she began to get physical
with me in front of the three kids since our
daughter was watching as well. Even though our
son had the money, she kept yelling at me, “Give
me my money back!” “Give me my money back!”
My son got scared and asked his mother to stop
fighting and yelling and to just take the money
back. Eventually she did and as she was leaving
she kept taunting him with bribes and increasing
the amount until she reached $200.00. He stayed
and played with his friend while she left and went
to church. Now, here’s an individual that would
chastise anyone for making purchases on Sunday,
LDS or not, yet somehow she rationalized an
attempt to buy her own son.
Today (i.e., 07/19/09), our son mentioned that he
“has” to go to church. As before, I told him
that he doesn’t “have” to go if he doesn’t
“want” to go and I asked him why he felt that
he “had” to. In his response he mentioned
that he made a promise to his mother that he would
go under the condition that she would go swimming
with him. I mentioned to him that if he made a
promise then he should stick to it and not let his
character be jeopardized. I mentioned to him that
I wanted him to be a person of his word, i.e.,
someone that people can trust and that I expected
him to do the right thing. He really took a long
time deciding whether he wanted to keep his
promise or not but eventually he decided to go to
church. I was proud that he made the right
decision – not because of church but because of
his character.
While he was at church, I thought a lot about what
he had said and the promise that he had made to
his mother. I found two things that were
disturbing to me and I shared those with him when
he returned. First, no matter the religion, I
don’t believe that it is appropriate to barter
with church being the exchange. I explained that
it is what his mother had done to him and he
seemed to be learning the wrong lessons about
church. Second, I found it odd that he had to
bribe his mother into spending time with him doing
something that he really wanted her to do. I
asked him to really think about it in the future
and if his mother (or anyone else for that matter)
doesn’t want to spend time with him then be
mature enough to just let it go before making a
promise that he really did not want to follow
through with.
It is because of incidents like these that I have
determined that these particular members of The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are
not helping my wife and certainly not helping my
family. Quite often, I ask myself, why are these
members so different from the members that I grew
up with in Salt Lake City? Even though they would
exclude a class of individuals and even their own
members from certain practices within the church,
the Mormons in Salt Lake City had a kind and
gentle nature about them and they appeared to be
genuinely concerned about how church members
treated their fellowman. I don’t get that
impression from this Ward of LDS members.
At one point (i.e., 12/05/08), I came home to find
my daughter crying. When asked what happened, my
wife explained that my son and daughter had been
wrestling and my daughter was hurt during their
scuffle. To find out if that was true, I asked my
son and he indicated that it was true but it was
an accident. He also indicated that my wife had
drawn back her arm at him and that he was still
afraid that she was going to hit him.
With one kid crying and the other frightened to
the point of being visibly shaken, I decided that
it would be best if they went with me for a ride
to get gas so that everyone could take some time
to cool down. Upon hearing that we were leaving,
my wife went into one of her tantrums and
indicated that the food that she had been
preparing was now ready and that she was going to
throw it away and never cook again. Sadly, the
children overheard this but they still wanted to
leave.
As we were leaving, my son asked if we could take
the steak with us to eat while riding in the car.
Upon hearing that, my wife abruptly replied that
she had thrown the steak away. My son was
obviously sad and his response was that he really
looked forward to eating that steak. During the
ride to the gas station he asked if we could go
somewhere to eat steak.
The sad thing about the whole incident is that
their LDS, Temple Recommend, Mormon mother angrily
tossed their dinner into the garbage can right in
front of them and I couldn’t explain to them
why. Even if my wife were mad at me or at the
situation as a whole, I see no reason why a loving
mother would ever put her own children through
that sort of mental anguish. On one hand, my wife
invites supposed LDS or Mormon male strangers over
for dinner via the Internet, feeds the Mormon
missionaries without inviting her children to join
and then on the other hand, right in front of
their eyes, she throws away the dinner that she
had just prepared for them. What impact will this
have on them later in their lives?
I can only imagine how my wife’s siblings in the
Philippines would feel, knowing that their sister
is here in the USA throwing away food that she had
prepared for her own children while they are there
in the Philippines literally begging and pleading
with us for financial assistance and to help them
put food on their tables.
Maybe it’s because she was raised in a
third-world country, but my wife puts value on
almost any material item, especially items that I
would consider waste. She will routinely go
through our garbage to see what she can retrieve
and save for no apparent reason other than, in her
mind, it has some value and when she finds
something in the garbage that I’ve discarded she
gets thoroughly upset. Once she found some
pencils in the garbage and based on the way that
she ranted and raved you would have thought the
world was coming to an end. Her mother told me
that a similar incident had occurred between the
two of them during the first week of her arrival
here in the United States. Apparently my wife’s
mother was cleaning up and had thrown away
something of my wife’s. When telling me the
story, my mother-in-law said that she was so upset
that she wanted to return to the Philippines that
very day even though she had only been here for a
short period of time. Recently (06/06/09), in
preparation for a pool party for our son, I ended
up throwing away all of the items in the
refrigerator that was either spoiled or molded.
Apparently, some fish dish that my wife wanted was
among the spoiled items and when she made that
little discovery, once again she brought up
divorce with our son as if there were something
that he could do about the fish or the divorce.
Personally, I see that as a form of child abuse
and when I asked her not to threaten him with
divorce she replied that she didn’t know what I
talking about. Can you believe that? I find that
amazingly sad. Here is a woman that will throw
away food that she has prepared for her own
children but when her fish dish gets mixed in the
other “science projects” found in the
refrigerator then it’s time to threaten the kids
with divorcing their dad. Unbelievable!
Yesterday, (05/02/09), the kids and I were
shopping for a quick meal at the local grocery
store and ran into their mother, who once again
had left the house without letting them know that
she was leaving or where she was going. When they
saw her, you would have thought that they hadn’t
seen her in months. Their love for her is so
obvious and is one of the reasons that I insist
that my son not take sides during our arguments
and that he treat her with respect regardless of
our circumstances. She said that she was shopping
for a festival that the church was having. Since
the kids and I were done shopping, we left the
store at the same time as their mother and on the
way to the checkout stand my son asked his mother
for some cookies. She said that he could have
them and he put them in her hand cart along with
some other items that she was buying.
As we got to the checkout stand, for some reason
she decided that he was not getting the cookies
and laughingly informed the cashier that I would
be paying for the items in her cart as well. I
didn’t see anything humorous and don’t believe
that my son would have either. On the way to the
cars, my son asked for the cookies and she
informed him that she had put them back. I
believe that she felt bad because she eventually
went back into the store and bought the cookies
that she had said that he could have. Later, I
explained to my son that the purchase of the
cookies was an agreement that he had made with his
mother since upon entering the store, our
agreement was that we were not buying cookies
since we had just bought his favorite cookies days
earlier and those were still at home.
The sad thing is that I don’t believe that my
wife will ever have any perception of this
incident other than her own perception. If I were
to try and point out a different perception to her
then it would be interpreted as an invitation to
an argument. For once, I would like for her to
see an incident such as this from our son’s eyes
or maybe even from my eyes.
During another meal, my wife told our son that he
would be banned from the Philippines for sharing
his honest opinion as expressed by a 10 year old
about a dish that she had prepared. He said that
it looked like maggots on noodles. I assured him
that he wouldn’t be banned from a country for
not liking a dish that his mother fixed or for
expressing his opinion about the way that it
looked to him. Her justification for saying this
had something to do with Eric Estrada and until
now, I still don’t see the connection or what
that has to do with our children.
Instead of taking 5 minutes to teach her young
black son the historical relevance of Barack Obama
and what he has been able to achieve by possibly
becoming the first African-American President of
the United States of America, my wife chooses to
spend hours on the Internet defending Mitt Romney
– as she puts it in one of her many blogs –
“her idol”. And, instead of teaching her
young son about the importance of saving money and
doing his chores around the house, she secretly
donates money to Mitt Romney’s campaign while
expecting her mother to fulfill each of my
wife’s motherly responsibilities and while
expecting me to fulfill each of her financial
responsibilities. I can’t begin to imagine how
much money my wife donated to Mitt’s
campaign.
I hurried home one night with the desire to watch
the historical election with my young son only to
find that his mother had sent him to bed early and
without explanation. I wonder if she would have
sent him to bed if Mitt had not dropped out.
Lately (04-03-09), her threats towards the
children are not about getting divorced. Instead,
they are threats of moving them out of their home.
Today, she bought an exercise machine and had a
friend of hers deliver it to our house. He left
it in our backyard and I assume that she was
either not home or they couldn’t get it into the
house. When I got home, I mentioned that I would
help her but I had to do something upstairs with
the children first. After a short while, she
began to yell and say that it was going to rain
– which it obviously was not. There wasn’t a
cloud in the sky. She got more or more agitated
and eventually worked herself into frenzy. I
mentioned to her that if the exercise machine was
going to cause that much of a problem then maybe
she should take it back to the store or give it
back to whom ever she got it from. With that she
began to get physical with me and saying that I
was acting crazy. I told her that if she was
going to call me names then I would have no desire
to help her get the thing into the house and then
I went back inside to help the kids select an
award that I had recently received from my
employer but had promised to them. After going
upstairs and unsuccessfully getting my clothes out
of our closet, my wife told the children that she
was leaving and that they should pack some clothes
because she was taking them with her. When my son
asked where they were going she said that she
didn’t know but probably to a homeless shelter
somewhere. I think the fear of uncertainly scared
him more than the fear of leaving his home. Once
again, she had terrorized her own child and I
don’t think she even gave it a second thought.
I asked her to stop and look at what she is doing
and to, once again, stop terrorizing our children.
I told her that if she would apologize then I
would once again try to assist her with getting
the elliptical machine into the house. After
yelling an apology to me, she eventually settled
down and my son stopped crying and he and I moved
the machine into the house and then into our
downstairs guest bedroom. It was after this
incident that my wife began to sleep in the guest
room. She spends more time exercising and going
to the YMCA than she does with her own children,
yet she considers herself a “good” Mormon.
After my son and I got the elliptical machine into
the bedroom he told me that everyone at his school
is hoping that his parents don’t get a divorce.
I couldn’t help but wonder how “everyone” at
his school would even know. I also couldn’t
help but wonder about the amount of pressure that
this situation puts on him at the tender age of
10.
One fear that I have is that my wife is teaching
our four year daughter the wrong lessons with her
reaction to these types of incidents. In essence,
my wife is teaching our daughter that if you
don’t get your way then you should pack your
bags and run away from home. My wife has several
bags packed in our house and she basically lives
out of her suite cases. She lives her life as if
she should be ready to leave at a moments notice
and I have observed her mother do the same and
wonder if this is a gypsy like behavior that she
learned from her. I recall asking my wife about
it years ago and she indicated that the Mormon
Church had taught her that and they were to be
used in case of an emergency. During the incident
with the exercise machine, she found an old small
suitcase and after dusting it off, she proudly
presented it to our daughter who excitingly began
to take her clothes out of her dresser drawer and
pack them in the suitcase.
After all that, I fail to see what the sense of
urgency was in getting the elliptical machine into
the house since she didn’t even use if that
night or the next day or the next week for that
matter. For the life of me, I can’t figure out
why it is that she wants so badly for this family
to fail. She’s a 45 year old Mormon convert
that appears to value her worldly possessions and
her dream world a lot more than her family. At
what point do those religious beliefs that she
supposedly have concerning family kick in? I
thought that the whole idea behind family home
evening was to spend time with your family. For
my wife, it’s just another day on the elliptical
machine so that she can try to physically look
good for her next ex-husband.
|
In the footer of my wife’s emails, she includes
this passage from the Bible, “I have no greater
joy than to hear that my children walk in
truth." 3 John 1:4. My wife and I don’t
see eye-to-eye on many issues from our past, such
as religion and politics but most have to deal
with her love of money and for some strange
reason, an obsession of hers with my ex-wife with
whom I have no contact or communication with but
interestingly, they share a lot of the same
immoral traits. But nothing that I’ve presented
here is a lie and, oddly enough, I believe that if
she were confronted with anything in this message,
my wife would reluctantly agree that it is all
true.
During our arguments, my wife always brings up my
previous two marriages. At what point will she
quit worrying about my past and begin to worry
about her children’s future. She is so focused
on my marital history that she forgets that she
has one of her own. She forgets that, not only
was she married before but she had a relationship
that resulted in an out-of-wedlock pregnancy. By
my wife’s logic, since I was married twice
before her then I shouldn’t get married again
after our eventual divorce. In her mind, the fact
that I’ve been married before means that I’m a
bad person. She forgets that it works both ways
and when I asked her about it she says that she
has prayed for it and has received forgiveness. I
couldn’t help but wonder how she knew that she
had received forgiveness and what made her think
that I hadn’t received forgiveness. Once again,
in her mind anything dealing with her can be
justified but when it comes to others then there
is no justification.
I will say this, if I do decide to get married
again, that is my decision – not hers. And, it
may very well be to someone that believes in the
Mormon faith. Unlike what my wife has become, I
would not exclude someone because of their
religious beliefs. After all, the LDS faith is
the predominant faith of the city where I grew up.
However, it won’t be to someone that cannot
commit to their family and it definitely won’t
be to someone whose social life is centered around
individuals that spend most of their day in their
dream world “role playing” and “relieving
themselves” while being on the Internet with
people that they don’t know or have never met.
I would only ask of them that they be committed
and loyal to their family – first and foremost,
regardless of religious or political
convictions.
In the Philippines they have what is known as a
“common-law-wife” since divorces are not
allowed. When put in its best light, that is what
she was when she became pregnant there by her
boyfriend. So, regardless of paperwork, this is
her third marriage as well. She also doesn’t
know the other side of my marriages. She only
knows what I’ve shared with her.
My first wife got married twice after our divorce,
had another child and she is now happily divorced
again. My second wife also got married twice
after our divorce, had another child and, as far
as I know, she is now happily married. It
happens. I don’t understand what my wife’s
obsession is with my marital history. She should
focus on her own past, i.e., the past that she
knows much better than what I have shared with her
about mine. Instead of concentrating on how my
past affects her behavior, she should try to
determine how her own past affects her behavior or
better yet how the content of her character
affects her behavior.
As mentioned, you are being deceived in that you
are not being told the whole truth. If that is
the type of person that you wish to pursue having
any type of relationship with, either long term or
short term, then you’ve definitely found it and
I have to say, more power to you. Unlike me, at
least you now know what you are getting yourself
into. In my opinion, you’ll need a lot of
patience, a lot of tolerance and a whole lot of
money. I can assure you that her interest in you
is not your religion but instead is purely your
credit rating and her insatiable desire to own
half of what someone has.
It is obvious to me now that my wife needs help.
She needs professional help in learning how to
deal with the many “issues” that she is facing
in her life right now and will face in the near
future. In my opinion, her biggest issue is the
fact that she is unable to accept responsibility
for her own actions. The one thing that you will
never hear her say is, “I accept full
responsibility for my actions. It was my
fault.” Instead she has a terrible habit of
blaming someone else. Currently, that someone
else is most often either me or her mother. No
matter what the situation, the blame is always
deflected and responsibility is never accepted. I
can’t count the number of times that I’ve
heard my wife say something like, “That’s
because my husband…” or “That’s because my
mother…” or “That’s because my
children…” My wife is self-centered and in
her mind she does nothing wrong and any faults
that she might have or might display can be either
justified or forgiven through religious
repentance.
Recently, (i.e., 08-24-09), my wife proudly
presented me with a news paper article that she
had written celebrating our daughters birthday.
Although it was flattering, as I got to the end of
the article I realized that it was to our daughter
but from her and our son, i.e., she had
intentionally left my name out. If there is
anything that any one knows about our daughter, it
would be that she loves her family – her whole
family. She’s five years old and doesn’t make
distinctions about who is a member and who is not
or when they are a member and when they are not.
Not only was I surprised to see that my wife had
left my name out but I was surprised at the
insensitivity that she has when it comes to her
own children. I don’t think that she really
knows their character. Our daughter will some day
read the article and ask the obvious question that
I asked my wife and her response was that she had
written the article a while back. That was as if
to say, “Since I did it when I was mad at you
then its okay.” I let her know of my disgust
with her and gave the article back.
The very next day, when I called to see how the
kids were doing, she began to rant and rave in her
infamous temper tantrum manner. She wanted to
know where I had put the article and she asked our
son to ask me. I definitely did not want him to
get in the middle of an argument but I explained
to him that I didn’t have it and as he told her,
I could hear her in the background yelling and
screaming and calling me a liar. Now, here is a
person that is an outright liar to members of
these web sites and will even lie about members of
her church and yet she was calling me a liar to
our kids and our kids had nothing to do the
situation. This went on for several minutes as
she worked herself into more and more of a frenzy.
It built up to the point of actually taking the
phone from our son and hanging it up while he and
I were still talking. Just before hanging up the
phone, I could hear her say, “I don’t want you
talking to a liar. You’re dad is a liar.” I
immediately called back and my son answered the
phone. I explained to him to keep in mind the
reason for him having a cell phone and if he felt
that he needed to call 911 then to do so from the
home phone first.
The next day, my wife called and said that she
found the article in the backpack that she had put
it in and offered an apology. She also mentioned
that she had apologized to the children for
calling me a liar. Later that week, I asked my
son if she ever apologized to him for taking the
phone from him and hanging it up and he said no.
I find it so ironic that my wife files for a
divorce from me and apologizes for her rude
behavior yet she offers no apology to the children
from which she cannot divorce and shows very
little respect. They may have an innate love for
her but they have little or no respect for her and
it is easy to see why. Her relationship with them
is the same as her relationship with anyone
else.
Now that she has filed for a divorce, I believe
that I am finally being relieved of being in the
“fall guy” position in her life. I can only
feel sorry for her mother who, after getting hurt
by my wife time and time again, continues to come
to her side and she does so because it is her
daughter. I also believe that I am finally being
relieved of the responsibility of providing
assistance to my wife with learning right from
wrong in our society and accepting responsibility
for her own actions. So, instead of paying for
that type of help for her, I’m at the point of
willingness to expedite the divorce and let
someone else take on her and her many issues.
However, if you decide to have any type of
relationship with my wife, I would like to request
that you pursue that relationship after our
divorce. I definitely would not want it to come
to this but, when you think about it, it is
entirely within the realm of possibilities that
you and the conversations that you have with my
wife could be summoned as part of her lawsuit
against me and my counter-lawsuit against her. It
has become obvious to me that there is no privacy
or amenity when it comes to the Internet or secret
cell phone conversations. In today’s
information age, it’s easy to determine what a
person is doing on the Internet and who that
person is as well as who they are doing it with.
Like it or not, Big Brother “IS” watching.
Like it or not, we live in an age where you are
defined by what people find when they “Google”
your name or your Internet IDs. I believe that
what my wife is doing is dangerous, immature and
simply stated - WRONG. And, I believe that most
members of these LDS and Mormon “singles”
websites, the LDS Church and society as whole
would agree that it is also immoral, regardless of
the period of our human history.
I can’t believe that any moral church would
condone such behavior. How an individual that
admittedly displays these traits in a public forum
could receive a Temple Recommend from the Mormon
Church is beyond me. In my personal opinion, it
devalues the achievement and the character of
those that have honestly reached that religious
goal in their life. If a society of people knows
of a crime and that crime goes unpunished then I
can see how it would be interpreted by the
criminal as being an acceptable behavior. The
officials of my wife’s Ward know of her immoral
behaviors because I have sat with her Bishop and
basically begged him for their assistance. I have
not heard from him since our initial meeting and
he has not responded to my email requesting that
he contact me. In my opinion, their reaction and
failure to take action is shameful.
Imagine if all the individuals with Temple
Recommends acted in the manner that my wife does.
If this type of behavior is acceptable on the
Internet then why not let her have these nasty
“sexy” conversations with the single males in
the local Ward? Why not let her participate in
the Single’s *Email Blocked*? Because what she
is doing is wrong. Even though she is not
embarrassed or ashamed, she knows that is wrong
and the church knows it. In this particular case,
she is not the only one hiding behind closed
doors. But since the Internet is intangible,
i.e., because, “it’s just Internet chatting”
or role playing as she puts it, there is a
tendency for some of her church members (and even
her mother - initially) to pretend that it is
okay. They would pretend that it was just a phase
that she is going through and it should be
forgotten and she should be forgiven. During our
conversations or heated discussions, my wife
always brings us back to the broken toy train that
I gave to the Mormon goodwill. If anything, that
should be forgotten because the incident brought
out the worst in her and she continues to relive
that moment over and over again.
I can only imagine how any society would view
these actions if they were those of a Black man
with two young children and a devoted *Email
Blocked* the temper tantrum that my wife admits to
her Internet “boyfriend” that she has, I can
only imagine how physically explosive her response
would have been if it were me having those nasty
Internet exchanges with female strangers or
especially with the ex-wife that she supposedly
dislikes so much, yet acts like so well.
My wife includes the words at the bottom of her
email but she has yet to learn to tell the truth
or “walk the truth”. I know that the LDS
religion is one that changes with the times but
has it changed that much since my growing up in
Salt Lake City, Utah? Did I miss a revelation
somewhere? Some of her conversations are as
pornographic as any X-rated material that would
have been condemned by the Mormon Church back in
those days. I’m thoroughly surprised that the
Church continues to let her be a member and even a
member in good standing, i.e., a member with a
Temple Recommend, knowing that she continues to
have these disgusting conversations with other
supposed “LDS” single men and makes plans to
meet them – alone for one night stands.
I recently (i.e., August of 2008) found out that
she is now on the Internet seeking to meet other
LDS/Mormon members that are outside of her Ward.
I can’t help but wonder why? How can any member
of the Church have these types of conversations in
a public forum (and with complete strangers) and
still call themselves a “good” Mormon? After
reading one of her nasty conversations, I think
that her mother put it best when she said that at
least a prostitute gets paid for it.
In light of the racial slurs that she has used
towards me (which includes the race of her own two
children), and in light of her comment to a
website member about Filipina’s wanting a tall
American Mormon, and in light of her response as
to why she recently filed for a divorce, it would
appear that CA909 /
CArmstrong909/ShadowUS/Gemini92373/CA92373 is
searching for a tall, White, American Mormon so
that she can get married in the LDS Temple and be
dead happily ever after. Oddly enough, the
individual that she seeks sounds a lot like the
husband before me. I think I see now why he
abandoned her. He knew more about her than I did
when I agreed to marry her. Not only is she
ruining her life here on Earth but she appears to
be ruining any LDS afterlife that there might
be.
I know who I am and I am proud of my ethnic
background. I have never tried to be anything
other than the race that I am and have tried to
represent my race to the best of my abilities,
even in the midst of living amongst a large
population of Mormons and being a minority in many
different ways during my formative years. But my
wife has become a racist and I liken my
relationship with her now to being married to and
having children by a member of the KKK. She did
not appear to be a bigot when we met and she did
not represent herself in that manner at any time
during our brief engagement. I would have to
believe that this is something that she has been
taught. Knowing her now, I see that my wife is
the type of individual that doesn’t have an
opinion on social events and behavior of her own
until it is given to her by an authority such as
her church or until she develops her
interpretation of what is being taught by the
church.
At one point in time, the Book of Mormon
encouraged members of the LDS faith to become
“whitesome and delightsome”. I can’t help
but think that this church or this religion or
this faith, although it is good for most of its
members, has not been good for my wife and has
certainly not been good for our family. Here’s
a person that really doesn’t like who she is and
is striving to be something that she will never be
and I’m not talking about being Mormon. She
believes that her DNA is keeping her from being
what she wants to be but like the president of her
relief society told me, it’s not her DNA,
instead it’s the choices that she makes. Unlike
my wife, I want my children to be proud of who
they are and their ethnic heritages. Even though
they would be considered minorities in their own
country, I don’t want my children to be envious
of other races. I also don’t want them to learn
the behaviors or display the characteristics of a
racist like their mother.
After 13 years of marriage, she has begun to use
racial slurs and has begun to bash other groups
such as Gays and Muslims. She displays feelings
of hatred when it comes to the Catholic Church,
which oddly enough is the church of her original
faith and the faith of her mother who says that my
wife has changed since coming to the USA and when
her mother says that, she doesn’t mean that her
daughter has changed for the better. Her own
mother has even referred to her as being and
acting crazy.
My wife is the great pretender. Deep down, she is
a Catholic that is merely pretending to be LDS.
She is a Filipino that pretends to fit into
American LDS social society. She is or has become
a racist pretending to honor the race or ethnic
background of others.
It’s scary in that my wife has no idea what it
is like or what it means to be Black in America,
yet she is the biological mother of two young
children that our society would consider as being
Black. I had often wondered how I would explain
to our children, who are of a mixed race, how they
should respond if someone ever called them a bad
name such as the ‘N’ word. Never, in my
wildest dreams, did I believe that the first time
that they would hear the actual word would be in
their own home and coming from the mouth of their
own mother. And, she used this word over
something that was so materialistically petty. It
is still unbelievable to me that after almost 14
years of marriage, she used that word towards me
in front of our kids and their friends because I
donated a broken train that our son used to ride
when he was three years old. The irony of it all
is that the toy was donated to the Deseret
Industries (or LDS/Mormon Goodwill, for those of
you that are not Mormon). In this case, her
justification was that she wanted it because
‘she’ bought it. The broken piece of junk had
been in our attic for four years and she hadn’t
given it a second thought until she went up there
for something else and noticed it. How
materialistic is that? Here’s a person that
would have a hard time giving up her worldly
possessions to follow a religious belief as some
have done and as some still do today.
She still points to that incident as the turning
point in our relationship. Honestly, I believe
that it was long before that. She is definitely
handicapped when it comes to being able to reason
or to selflessly think through a process and
determine how the outcome of her actions or even
the use of her words might affect others.
Prior to that incident, I had never heard my wife
use the ‘N’ word in any context. Needless to
say, I was thoroughly surprised and utterly
disgusted. It was at that very moment that I
began to see my wife in an entirely different
light. Even now, I don’t believe that she
understands that she did not insult me, as she
thought that she did or as she had intended, but
instead she insulted my entire family and an
entire group of people which includes her own
children. She insulted an entire race of people
with the use of one despicable word. In fact, she
even insulted the natives of her homeland. There
is a reason why the natives of the Philippines are
referred to as “Negritos”. Amazingly, once
again, she doesn’t get it. Other than being a
word that is used in a negative manner towards
those of us in the world with darker skin, I
can’t help but wonder what it is that she
believes the word means or even what it was that
she thought she was saying or calling me. Here
again, I ask the question, what is she being
taught? I don’t know what it is that her church
is teaching her with regards to race awareness but
I do believe that she is learning the wrong
lessons, especially when you consider her
immediate cultural environment, her own mixed
family and her own heritage. CA909 or
CArmstrong909 does not define who I am. Instead,
through the use of such words and through her own
actions it helps others gain an understanding of
who she “really” is and her friends and family
know that and I believe that they see her now in a
similar light that I do.
Prior to sending for my wife, I asked her why she
wanted to marry me, a poor Black man from the
United States of America. I also asked if she
felt that she could handle the racism that Blacks
sometime receive in the U.S. She indicated that
she had been married to a White man before and
didn’t want that anymore. Her first husband was
from Canada. She also indicated that she could
deal with the problems that would be associated
with a mixed marriage.
Our relationship was never a relationship that was
built on romance or even friendship since we
didn’t know each other that long before she was
granted a Fiancé Visa to come to the United
States. However, I was under the impression that
our relationship was built on honesty and trust.
As mentioned earlier, it began very much like
yours but through postal correspondence instead of
electronic correspondence since there was no such
thing as the Internet back then, let alone Instant
Messaging.
If you are her latest knight in shinning white
armor then you must know that you will not agree
with my wife 100% of the time. She admittedly is
very temperamental and displays her anger by
slamming doors, throwing things and becoming
physically violent with members of her family. At
some point during your relationship, you will
disagree with her and I assure you that the
disagreements will become the basis for the next
disagreement and they will be used against you in
all future disagreements, time and time again –
much like the train incident that I hear about
with each argument and with each threat of
divorce. In our divorce papers, my wife cites
incidents that happened twelve to thirteen years
ago! I don’t even recall most of the incidents
and if they were so damaging to her, which is the
underlying basis of her claim, then why cite them
now, this many years later? Instead of being
concerned about the health, welfare, education and
safety of her children, she’s more concerned
that I won’t assist her with getting an
elliptical machine into our house so that she can
stare at if for a week. It amazes me even today
that she was so concerned about a material item
that she was willing to threaten me and her
children with taking them to a shelter. Trust me,
any bad history that you have together will never
be forgotten. In fact, any bad history in your
relationship that is in her mind, whether factual
or fiction, will never -- be -- forgotten.
I noticed that my wife’s filing for a divorce
came without her typical “monthly” threat. I
found that so surprising that I asked her about it
and made sure to do so in front of her mother
since I wanted her mother to hear the response
with her own ears. After initially avoiding the
question, my wife’s ultimate response was that
some day she wants to be married in the Mormon
Temple.
Her response almost made me laugh out loud and
then I quickly realized the seriousness of the
situation. My wife wants to get married in the
LDS Temple so bad, that instead of worrying about
how to save money and pay for the eventual wedding
of her own daughter, she’s more concerned about
Internet dating and going through an expensive
divorce so that she can get married a third time
and live happily ever after. It would seem to me
that there are controls or commandments that she
has neglected. Commandments such as, “You must
not be envious of your neighbor’s goods. You
shall not be envious of his house nor his wife,
nor anything that belongs to your neighbor.”
I am not a member of the Mormon Church and have no
desire to become a member and certainly don’t
believe that I can speak on behalf of the church
but I grew up in Salt Lake City with
"real" members that are true believers
of the LDS religion and I find it is so ironic
that my wife is suddenly willing to throw her
family under the bus in order to be married in the
Temple of a church that believes so strongly in
family and in fundamental family values. She’s
throwing away a family that she literally begged
me for. Instead of following the teachings of the
church prophet Joseph Smith, my wife is following
the lifestyle of Susan Smith who was charged with
murder for drowning of her two children in order
to pursue a relationship with another man. There
is a definite pattern and that is why I am often
concerned about the safety of my children when
they are in her care.
Interestingly, one of my wife’s most intimate
and emotional email exchanges (and subsequent
telephone conversations) came from a member of one
of these Mormon singles websites at the beginning
of June in 2008. Shortly after attending her
sister’s beautiful “Christian” wedding in
the state of Washington, my wife returned home and
unpredictably filed for a divorce.
Today (05/06/09), I called my son to see how his
day went and found that his mother had left him
asleep in the car while she and our daughter went
into a big box club store to go shopping.
Naturally my concern was for his safety, so I
asked him to check to see if the doors were locked
and in doing so he set off the alarm. He was
frightened by the alarm and kept asking, “What
should I do Dad? What should I do?” So I told
him to calm down and get out of the car and stay
on the phone while going into the store and to go
to the front desk. Once there he gave the phone
to the clerk and I explained the situation to her
and asked that she page his mother.
I’m not sure at what age a child can be left
alone in a car by themselves, so about an hour
later I called the police department for the city
where the store is located to find out and they
explained that it depends on the maturity of the
child. However, their concern was that it was a
hot day that day and my son could have been
overcome since the windows were rolled up. Even
though I’ve explained this to her before,
several times, I’m not sure that my wife
understands the dangers of leaving children alone
or leaving them in a car but then again, maybe she
does. Who knows? The police dispatcher suggested
having an officer come to our house as a “public
service” to explain it to both of us at the same
time. At this point, I’m trying to figure out
how to approach that without it becoming a big
scene.
I can only hope that someday CA909 /
CArmstrong909/ShadowUS/Gemini92373/CA92373 will
come to the realization that even though our
relationship was not built on romance, like we had
both hoped (or at least as I had hoped), I brought
her here to the United States at her continued
insistence and pleading after a short period of
postal correspondence but ultimately with
friendship and romance in mind. Much like my son,
all that I wanted was a “normal” family. But,
for various reasons, a romantic relationship and
“normality” did not develop. As I look back
at it now, it’s easy to see why. We have
religious differences. We have different goals
and objectives in life. We have sanitary
differences. We have political differences. We
have differences about material values. We have
differences with regards to family commitment.
During a recent trip that she took to the
Philippines (07/26/09), she had more contact with
her Internet boyfriends than she did with her own
children. My wife has deep rooted problems with
race and money. One might even go so far as to
say that we have a myriad of “irreconcilable
differences”. But most important, we have an
unbelievable inability to have a constructive
conversation. Simply stated, we cannot
communicate. It seems like every conversation
ends in an argument and usually with her throwing
one of her temper tantrums. There are no, “Good
mornings” or “Good nights”. There are no
casual conversations. There are no
“Hello’s” or “Goodbyes” not even to her
own children who have learned that if they want to
know if she is home then they shouldn’t ask me
because I won’t know. Instead, they go check
the garage to see if her car is there. As a
result, I only speak with my wife when it is
necessary. I typically speak to her when it has
to do with the children. I let her know that I am
leaving so that she knows that the children are
now in her care. I wish I could say that she does
the same.
Yesterday (06-17-09), even though she unexpectedly
took the kids to a baby sitter, she neglected to
inform me and I found out by contacting my son on
his cell phone. I had no idea where they were nor
did I know the sitter nor did the sitter know how
to contact me. Yet, later on that night, without
saying hello or anything else, she abruptly asked
me if I believed that the stray dog that she
recently bought home had been eating rat poison
from the grass in the backyard. Now, here’s the
thing that gets me. She can go the whole day
without communicating with me even when it comes
to our children, yet she can just come into the
room where I am and abruptly asked about the
welfare of a dog. Unbelievable! In addition to
accepting her children for what and who they are,
I believe that she needs to be mature and be more
concerned about their safety, health, education
and welfare than that of her new found friend,
i.e., the stray dog that she is still learning to
care for.
On the same day (i.e., 07/13/09) that
CArmstrong909 sent an email to me complaining
about money that she did not make on the property
in San Diego. A piece of property that she
insisted that I buy or “we would be getting a
divorce” and in the same email where she
complained about money that she had recently spent
while spending time with her own kids, she stood
in line at LBC waiting to send money to her niece
and nephew in the Philippines. Needless to say,
she neglected to mention that in the email that
she sent to me while I was at work trying to earn
a living and provide the livelihood that she
enjoys. Unfortunately, I found out that she was
sending money during one of my daily calls to the
children to see how they were doing. After
bringing it to her attention, she once again
justified her actions without seeing the irony of
not mentioning the money sent to the Philippines
in her email to complain about money that she
supposedly didn’t have, “I don't send them
much, just enough for [niece] and [nephew], to get
by for the whole month.” Amazingly, she had no
complaints prior to her filing for divorce when I
was routinely paying the cost for her and her
mother to ship boxes of care packages to her
family. Obviously, my offers of assistance
stopped immediately after learning of her filing
for divorce. What is really interesting about
this particular incident is that when I mentioned
this to her, our son was there and she looked at
him as if to say, “Why did you tell on me?”
The truth of the matter is that he said nothing,
other than where they were. It was by her own
admission to my point blank question that let me
know that she had sent money to the
Philippines.
The other thing that I find so amazing about this
is that the niece and the nephew are in their
twenties and the niece has a child and has never
been married. I recently learned that my wife
leads some of her Internet boyfriends to the
niece. Here again, instead of worrying about how
to prepare our children for the upcoming school
year, she’s more concerned about trying to
provide assistance to people for which we have no
legal obligation. That night, while the kids and
I were eating dinner, I asked her if she would
sign the tax return for the state of Idaho so that
the entire return could be used to purchase
clothes for “our” kids. While in the
downstairs bedroom and on the computer, of course,
she replied that she would only sign if she gets
her half. Her behaviors and responses never cease
to surprise me.
She spends hours on the computer and/or the
Internet socializing, while her children are right
*Email Blocked* not spend some quality time with
them? Why not teach them about their Filipino
heritage and the Tagalog language like other Asian
cultures? Why not prepare them for the upcoming
school year? Why not…? Why not…? Why
not…? There are so many things that she could
be doing with them, yet by choice (or DNA as she
calls it) she chooses to spend time socializing
with people that she does not even know and, more
importantly, people that do not know her or her
real situation. I don’t dare bring this subject
up with her for the retribution that it might
bring to the kids. If it is that stressful for
her to spend quality time with them then I’m
sure that they would receive the brunt end of that
stress. The last time I did that, I received an
email about the how much money she spent during
the day with them and how much it costs to go to
each place that they visited. You would think
that a person that supposedly believes in family
and family values and family home evenings would
come to the conclusion that they should probably
spend more time with their children than with the
computer or more time with their children than
people on the Internet, especially those people
that the individual doesn’t even know.
I recently (08/22/09) received an email from our
son’s teacher and in it she indicated that our
son was misbehaving in her class. In the email,
the teacher indicated that she was aware that our
son was dealing with “issues” at home and
wondered if it might be contributing to his *Email
Blocked* my reply, I let the teacher know that our
son was indeed dealing with “issues” but that
he would also have to be mature enough to deal
with them in manner that is not disrupted to his
future or to the class. I also mentioned that I
would be talking to our son to ensure that he
understood the consequences of his actions –
regardless of any issues that he might be dealing
with. The incident at school occurred on a
Friday. I waited until Sunday to see if my wife
would mention anything about it since she was
included in the email from the teacher and even
takes them to school.
Early Sunday morning, about 6:30 AM, I could hear
that she was awake and decided to ask her if she
was aware of the incident. I wasn’t surprised
to find that she was already on the Internet
playing Farm Town and probably having her other
“Internet discussions” as well. I attempted
to make casual conversation by asking her about
Farm Town and how it worked but her unpleasant
character reared its ugly head and she was just a
rude as ever. So I decided to just cut to the
chase and asked if she was aware that our son had
got in trouble at school on Friday. Even though
she is the one that is physically with the
children when I’m away, it was obvious that she
had no idea what had gone *Email Blocked* I asked
her to read the email that the teacher had sent to
both of us and that just irritated her even more
as she indicated that she didn’t’ receive any
such email. So, I printed off my copy, which
included her email address, and showed it to her.
Once again she worked herself to the point of
frustration and she even threatened to call the
police. (I wish I was making this up. Here it
was 6:30 on a Sunday morning and she’s more
interested in her Internet “activities” than
discussing her own son’s behavior at school.) I
tried to explain it to her by asking why it is
that even though I’m away on business, I know
more about what is going on with our son at school
than she does and she is physically there with him
and even takes them to school.
Recently, (06/13/09) our son, got in trouble while
swimming in the backyard with his friends. I
caught him urinating behind some bushes. There is
a bathroom in the house, which is less than 20
yards away. Then, just this last weekend
(06/28/09), I was horrified as the kids and I
watched as their mother got out of the pool and
stood over the some bushes and begin to urinate.
Naturally, my son’s reaction was, if she can do
it then I should be able to do it and he even said
something to that effect. I really wished that
they hadn’t seen her do that and hoped that the
neighbors hadn’t seen it either. Needless to
say, yesterday my daughter emulated her mother by
doing the exact same thing. It was obvious that
she needed to use the restroom since she was doing
the “I have to go” dance and I asked her
several times if she needed to go but I believe
that she intentionally waited until she got
outside so that she could mimic her mother’s
behavior. After doing that, I mentioned it to my
wife and she had absolutely no reaction and
nothing to say. You have to wonder what goes on
in her head.
About this same time, there was an incident
whereby my son tried to explain to his mother that
I had warned him that one of friends is a bad
influence and all that she could do is say to him
was, “Why? Because he goes to our church? No,
it is your dad that is a bad influence.” After
saying that, she asked the friend when his father
would be completing his medical schooling. In her
mind, since the friend is LDS and since the
friend’s father is going to med-school, it means
that he is a good kid. Yet, I have seen that kid
do and say things that are entirely inappropriate
while being at our house and I have confronted him
with it and told him that he would not be able to
say certain things or act a certain way while in
our home. I attempted to explain to my wife that
she needs to be aware of her environment and make
sure that our children’s friends are behaving
while at our home. I don’t want that kid (or
anyone else) saying things that I am attempting to
teach our children as being inappropriate for them
to say or do.
I had brought it to our son’s attention so that
he could be aware of his surroundings and make the
right decisions. The least that she could do is
to try and do the same without telling him that
his father is a bad influence simply because she
thought that I told him that because of her
religion. My conversation with our son about that
particular friend had absolutely nothing to do
with the church and I saw no need for her to yell
and scream at our son about that. When I informed
her that the telephone had accidently been left
off the hook during the transition from one child
to the other and that I had overheard her ranting
and raving, she gave an insincere apology to me
and said that she was yelling because she was
upset with the children. The sad thing is that
I’m not the one that she should be apologizing
to.
At what point will she begin to listen to what her
children are trying to tell her and not let her
feelings for the church cloud every conversation
or even her immoral behaviors. She is so enamored
with the church that I can see now she is not only
unable to communicate with me but she is unable to
communicate with her own children. And, more
important, they are unable to communicate with
her. Instead of teaching them that they
shouldn’t do things such as urinate in public
even in their own backyard, she’s teaching them
that their attempts to communicate with here are
not important. Instead, it’s more important to
talk bad about someone behind their backs,
especially their father.
I would hope that she would someday see that I
have strived to provide for her and our family and
that I am not the problem in her life or her
“nemesis”, as she referred to me when
discussing me with her main Internet
“boyfriend”. Needless to say, I don’t
anticipate an apology for what she’s done in the
past or for what she is currently doing to the
family that she begged me for. Nor do I
anticipate a thank you for trying to put her on a
path of truth and honesty. She appears to be
ruining her life and if there truly is an LDS
afterlife then she appears to be ruining that as
well.
I find it so ironic and even hypocritical that
CA909 / CArmstrong909/ShadowUS/Gemini92373/CA92373
would lead complete strangers into a sexual
conversation simply because she is convinced that
he is Mormon and yet when he cusses at her, my
wife’s response is basically the same as his.
Now, I ask you, what Temple Recommend Mormon
women, in her right mind, would ever neglect her
children while having a conversation with a
complete stranger about the size of her breast?
Yet, month’s later and more recent than that
incident (i.e., 09/01/08) and after turning the
Internet back on and getting assurances from my
wife that her Internet ‘activities’ had
stopped, she had another sexually oriented
conversation with another “LDS” member after
being warned by my attorney to discontinue these
types of activities and immediately after being
requested by her own children to play Wii with
them upstairs. Instead, my wife denied both
requests, stayed downstairs and had a sexually
explicit Internet conversation with an individual
that I believe is her main Internet boyfriend that
she plans to visit. (The more sexually explicit
portions have been excluded for obvious reasons.)
Oddly enough, my wife insists that the individual
is not her "boyfriend", yet this is the
same individual that calls her on our son’s cell
phone. Maybe I’m wrong but, isn’t it worse if
he is not a boyfriend? When asked about this, she
indicated that she has no shame and is not
embarrassed and that she can't stop because it is
part of her DNA. Even with that response, she
accepts no responsibility for her own actions.
Instead, she blames her mother and father.
Would a saint, purchase a ticket to leave her
children for the weekend so that she could have
that promised “one night stand” with a man
that she doesn’t even know and has never met?
Obviously, this does not sound like a saint nor
does it sound like a 44 year old LDS Temple worthy
women with two young *Email Blocked* would have to
wonder if she intended to tell her children about
her trip and if so then where did she intend to
tell them that she was going? Here’s a woman
that now believes that she is in love with this
Internet playboy boyfriend from Virginia and
during her fits of anger, she sees nothing wrong
with mentioning his name and telling me that she
loves him in front of our children. She has no
absolutely no ability to restrain herself.
In order to go back to the Philippines for a two
week visit, my wife wanted her mother to return to
our house so as to watch our kids while I am at
work and she repeatedly asked me if I had any
extra airline tickets. (I know. Unbelievable, I
couldn’t believe that she was even asking me
such a thing.) During that conversation, I must
have told her five or six times that I did not
have any free tickets but she just didn’t get
it. Even if I did, what desire would I have to
share those tickets under these circumstances?
She really has a hard time putting two and two
together in the eyes of someone else. Somehow she
can find the money to purchase a ticket to go
spend the weekend with her Internet boyfriend but
somehow she can’t find the money to purchase a
ticket for her mother so that her mother could
watch her kids while she is away.
She originally wanted her frail father to watch
the kids but he became ill with prostrate problems
and was hospitalized. So rather than postpone her
trip and align it with my vacation, she insists
that her mother return. Why the sense of urgency
to suddenly go to the Philippines? When asked,
the response is that she wants to see her brother
and other siblings that she hasn’t seen for a
while (and, as a second thought to get her teeth
fixed while she’s there since it is cheaper
there than here in the US.) Only after knowing
that there was evidence in the form of a purchased
airline ticket of her intent to spend the weekend
with her Internet boyfriend did she finally tell
the truth about it but she quickly responded with,
“But I called it off, blah, blah, blah.”
I’m not even sure if she knows it, but in my
opinion, she didn’t cancel her trip to the
Internet boyfriend, she merely postponed it until
after getting her teeth fixed! She can hardly
wait.
Recently, I shared with my wife the benefits and
services of assistance that are offered by my
employer to the immediate members of my family. I
can only hope that she takes me up on my offer
since it will not be available once our impending
divorce is final. I believe that their
professional assistance would be more beneficial
to her than the secretive and deceptive
“chatting” and cell phone conversations that
she is having. I also believe that it would be
more beneficial than any counseling that she is
NOT receiving from her church. It would seem to
me that my wife has some sort or form of mental
retardation. She definitely has money retardation
and now it appears that she has Mormon retardation
as well.
Having read this, I’m sure that you can see that
when it comes to either, money, religion or
family, there is a deceptive nature within CA909 /
CArmstrong909/ShadowUS/Gemini92373/CA92373 and as
much as I would like to believe that she can, in
reality she cannot control herself and she cannot
be trusted. I believe that relationships should
at least be built on trust, if nothing else. I
don’t believe that I have ever lived with anyone
that thinks that they have so much to hide from
the people that they live with. If you have to
hide it, then there is probably something wrong.
I am hopeful that you find this message useful and
that you understand what it is that I am asking of
you and the reasons behind my request.
Here’s a person that won’t even make a local
phone call to check on her own children but is
still (as late as July of 2009) making long
distance phone calls to check on a man that
she’s never met in person – so she says and he
is not even a practicing Mormon and has made plans
to go meet him. His intentions are obvious and
based on their discussions she apparently has the
same thing in mind. When asked about it, she
indicated that the phone calls to him are merely
about their “friendship” but in explaining
herself she became very agitated and called me
weird. Not only is she a liar but she is a very
confused person. I found that to be a very sad
situation and decided to let the conversation end
there. Prior to knowing CA909 or CArmstrong909,
if someone had told me that such an individual
existed, I would have had a hard time believing it
myself.
Is this what the Mormon Church now teaches? Is
this how it allows its members in good standing
(i.e., those that are Temple worthy) to behave
without retribution? It would seem to me that my
wife believes that whatever religion that she
tells you that she is at that time, then that is
the one and only true religion. It would appear
that she does not believe that the content and
nature of her character are what defines her and
is what people see in her.
Recently my wife called me a Muslim, as if that
were something extremely bad and when speaking of
her mother with the members of my wife’s Ward,
my wife referred to her own mother as a
“traitor” since her mother was attending the
Mormon church with her and now practices
Catholicism again, which is the religion that she
honestly believes in. Why would an individual
have such hatred for other religions? I believe
that this is a learned behavior.
If you were to ask my wife why she doesn’t like
Muslims or Catholics she would describe something
that would be akin to the way they live, i.e., her
response wouldn’t have anything to do with their
religious beliefs. It seems that she never takes
the time to think about how she is living her life
and compare that to her religion.
Recently (i.e., 09/21/09), my brother, his wife
and their toddler visited with us and during a
discussion at our dinner table, my wife realized
that they were Muslim. As a result, she asked a
couple of questions to them that made her appear
prejudice and the sad thing about it is that I
don’t believe that she even realized what she
was doing. The first question that she asked was,
“Are there Muslim gays?” I found that so odd
for anyone to ask such a question. As if to say
that there are no gays in her faith. In fact, my
response to her question was a quick question of
my own. I asked my wife, “Are there gays in the
Mormon church?” She laughingly acknowledged
that there are. In my opinion, being gay has
nothing to do with any religion, thus the reason
why I found her question so odd. The second
question that she asked was directed towards my
sister-in-law and she asked her if she was twenty
years younger than my brother. Once again, and
maybe even unknowingly, she had prejudged them
based on their religion. I was so proud of my
little sister-in-law, whom I had just met in
person for the first time. Her response was
polite but direct. She indicated that no, she was
only eight years younger than my little brother
and that women sometimes mature faster than men.
I couldn’t help wonder if my wife any thought
about the difference between her age and mine,
which is about eight years. With regards to
maturity, I’m sure that she didn’t get that
either. I also couldn’t help but wonder how a
young Muslim woman could be so much more mature
than my 45 year old LDS wife. When looking at the
smiles of my young niece, it is obvious that my
brother’s home is full of love. I found myself
feeling very proud of my young but wise
sister-in-law. She represented herself, her
religion and my family well. With her line of
questioning, her actions and behavior, I guess I
should be glad that my wife has filed for a
divorce. She certainly does not represent me or
my family. In fact, I find her behavior rather
embarrassing.
I see now why my wife is looking for LDS members
that are outside of her Ward and that’s because
the members that I have talked to see now that
they are being used and taken for granted.
On the 31st of August of 2008, my wife called the
police when she discovered that the children and I
would be escorting her mother to a local Catholic
church for Sunday services. I can only imagine
that the responding officers must have also
thought that she is acting crazy. After
determining what was really going on, they let us
go to Church and I believe that the children
enjoyed being away from such a traumatic
situation. Understandably, they don’t like to
see it when the police come around. What a memory
to have for a little kid. I couldn’t help but
wonder what in the world did my wife expect the
police to do? I honestly believe that she thought
that they would be Mormons in white shirts and a
tie and would come to her rescue by telling me
that I can’t take my kids to any church other
than the Mormon Church. Even in Salt Lake City,
where the population is predominantly Mormon, a
person would have had to been a complete idiot to
expect that to happen. The next day, my wife had
one of her most intimate sexual conversations with
her main Internet “boyfriend”. I guess it was
her way of retaliating. In reality, it was her
way letting her “DNA” control her lifestyle
instead of letting her religious beliefs control
her lifestyle.
About a year later, (i.e., 08-13-09), I ended up
calling the police on my wife. I create computer
programs that are used at my client sites and for
work I have to make sure that the programs can be
easily installed prior to getting at the
client’s site. In order to do that, quite often
I will use one of the computers at home to go
through the installation process ahead of time.
One night I was doing just that while using one of
the laptops as matter of convenience since I could
do it while sitting on my bed. After coming home
from the gym, my wife came into my bedroom and
noticed what I was doing and insisted that I give
her “her” laptop because she wanted to get on
the Internet. It was late and I was in no mood
for an argument so I let her take it. I tried to
explain to her what it was that I was doing but
with her self-centered attitude she just
couldn’t comprehend it. As a result, I ended up
using one of the workstations in the office
downstairs which meant going back-and-forth
between upstairs and downstairs computers.
Later on that night, after I had gone to bed, she
came into my bedroom again and threw “her”
laptop on my chest and said that now I could use
it. I explained to her that I was now done with
what I needed to do and it was now 2:00 o’clock
in the morning. Later that day, I came to the
conclusion that having the Internet in our home
was just causing too much trouble so, once again,
I disconnected it and called the service provider
and cancelled the service. That night when my
wife discovered that she couldn’t get on the
Internet she got upset and threw one of her
infamous temper tantrums. She stormed in and out
my bedroom with various threats and reasons why
she needed the Internet. She eventually left my
bedroom while saying that she was going to cancel
the Internet service. I guess she didn’t
realize that I had already done that. Her
responses seem so odd times.
Later on that night, while I was asleep, she left
the downstairs bedroom where she sleeps and came
to the upstairs bedroom while yelling and making
threats of throwing my work computers in the pool.
As she grabbed one of them a struggle ensued and
I managed to get one back but then she picked up
my cell phone and threw it downstairs. At that
point, I decided to call the police. When they
got there, I explained the situation to both of
the responding officers. Through conversation
with one of them, I discovered that the officer
was LDS. During my wife’s conversations with
that officer, my wife represented herself well by
displaying her self-centered nature and telling
the officer that she was going to take the kids to
a shelter. I was surprised and could hardly
believe what I was hearing. The kids were sound
asleep. They had not heard any of the commotion
and she wanted to take them to a shelter because
she couldn’t get on the Internet to find out how
her boyfriend was doing or to have one of her
sexually oriented conversations with him. During
her conversation with the police, she displayed
other behaviors that I believe made the officer
see how she is and what was really going on. The
police officer tried to explain to her what she
needed to do in order to get along peacefully in
the house during the divorce process but she just
didn’t seem to be getting it. During my
conversations with that same officer, I explained
what she had done with regards to my work
equipment and the officer indicated that if she
had destroyed it then that would be considered
vandalism. In response, I mentioned that I wanted
to press charges for the assault but the officer
indicated that it might not be worth the effort.
The police officer and I were talking while
upstairs in my bedroom and as he was leaving the
officer indicated that if my wife continued that
sort of behavior then she would be going to jail.
At that, I mentioned to the officer that my wife
was the one that really needed to hear that.
While downstairs having a similar conversation
with her, I believe that the officer made it
perfectly clear to her that her behavior was
unacceptable was leading her down a path to
incarceration.
At one point, I asked my mother-in-law why she was
attending the Mormon Church and she indicated that
she was trying to help her daughter. I found it
odd but also very moving, that a mother would
basically give up her own religious belief (or at
least put them on hold) in order to provide some
assistance and solace to her daughter.
Ironically, I can’t imagine my wife ever doing
the same for her daughter or any member of her
family. Instead, my wife is the type of
individual that would call the police on her
family for not being or for not wanting to be
Mormon (or whatever religion she is practicing at
the time).
It would seem to me that there is a commandment
that says, “You shall remember and keep the
Sabbath day holy.” There are those that would
argue which day is the Sabbath but I can’t help
but recall that once, when I was not home, my wife
told a local contractor that I had hired that he
could not work at our home because it was Sunday.
Then, shortly after the contractor and his crew
left, she went to work. In her mind, there is
always a legitimate justification for her own
actions but never a legitimate justification for
someone else.
I know Gay couples that, when it comes to family
and marriage, they are more in line with the
fundamental teachings of the LDS Church than my
wife ever will be and only a hypocrite like her
would discriminate against a group of people such
as Gays and Muslims while, at the same time,
deceiving her own family, cheating on her legal
marriage, and having sexually oriented
conversations with men that she has actually never
met and don’t really know but makes plans to
meet for one night stands.
Being a member of this LDS website, I would hope
that you take your religion serious and not
“toy” with it as my wife does. She believes
that she is Mormon but in reality the only thing
that is LDS about my wife are the temple garments
that the church allows her to wear. Every time
she begins a sentence with, “As Mormons, we
believe…” I get sick to my stomach because I
know that she’s merely repeating what she has
been told or what she has read about the LDS
church. What she should say, is “As Mormons, we
practice…” In fact, I’m beginning to
question the extent to which she is even a
Christian let alone a Mormon. When asked about
her singles website Internet activities, she once
replied, “Well, at least I only go on the LDS
singles websites.” She is so brainwashed and
enamored with this one religion that in her mind,
as long as she only goes to the LDS singles
websites or as long as she her desires to have sex
with another man is with an LDS man then its okay.
It’s legitimately justified. She simply
doesn’t get it. She doesn’t see that it’s
wrong in either case. In fact, one might argue
that it’s wrong “especially” since she goes
to LDS singles websites if she is truly LDS. I
see now, first hand, what is meant by Stockholm
syndrome.
Having read this entire message, you’re probably
wondering how this mess began. It did not begin
with the train incident as her home teacher might
expect since that is what he was told. Simply
stated, it began with the receipt of email alerts
and cell phone alerts from Southwest Airlines
about withdrawals from my Rapid Rewards or
frequent flyer account.
To my surprise, my wife requested that airline
tickets be issued from my account for her and her
mother to attend her sister’s wedding back in
June of 2008. After having a conversation with
her about - at least - notifying me when she was
going to do something like that, I thought the
issue was resolved. And yet, soon after that I
received another email and cell phone alert from
Southwest Airlines indicating that someone had
just used my account again to obtain another
airline ticket.
After that, and after being warned by family and
friends that my wife might be having an affair, I
decided that I should probably look into why she
was so insistent on accessing my account without
informing me as well as why she needed to spend so
much time on the Internet literally behind closed
(and often locked) doors. What I found shocked
and amazed me. And, to think, I came to her
defense when initially warned by family and
friends.
I see now that my wife has a miserable character
that sees life through the glasses of misery and
blame’s her misery on everyone else but herself.
At one point during our marriage, she had her
mother performing all of her responsibilities at
home and me paying all of her expenses while at
the same time I was insisting that our children
attend the LDS church with her every Sunday. She
was towards the top of Maslow’s “Needs
Hierarchy” and that provided her with leisure
time that she chose to spend on the Internet
chasing single LDS boyfriends and even stalking
the playboy in Virginia. That also provided her
with the financial freedom to make money that
cannot be accounted for and certainly was not used
for any funds other than her own. If my wife
treats her family like this during good times then
I would hate to see how she treats her family
during the hard times that are just around the
corner. It seems a bit odd but after almost 14
years of marriage and two kids, my wife is still
looking for Mr. Right.
My wife’s mother could no longer deal with the
situation and has since left and returned and left
and returned yet again. I no longer insist that
our children attend church with her. Because of
her “DNA” as she puts it, which I interpret as
her own willingness or choice to not change the
content of her character, my wife is keeping
herself from ever being a “true” LDS in
practice as I would know it as well as from
walking any religious truth in faith as anyone
would know it. I come to this conclusion. It
would be difficult, if not impossible, to convince
the world that your religion is the one and only
“true” religion if you yourself do not follow
the fundamental and basic teachings of that
religion, especially during those times when you
think that neither God nor your fellowman is
watching.
I don’t know the definition of “bi-polar”
but my wife’s behavior has to be a close
description. Earlier today, 03/01/09, my wife
tried to get our daughter to go to church with
her. Our daughter was happily playing outside
with a friend who, at my wife’s requests, had
spent the night. So obviously my daughter said no
– after all she was playing with her best
friend. After being turned down, my wife looked
at me as she was leaving and said, “This is why
we’re getting a divorce.” I had nothing to do
with the situation. Then, hours later, after
returning home from church, my wife asked, “Are
you sure that you want to get a divorce?” I
couldn’t help but remind her that I wasn’t the
one that filed for a divorce!
During a recent fit of anger, my wife said that
she hopes that the judge presiding over our
divorce is Mormon. To that, I say this. “Me
too.” In fact, not only do I hope that the
individual believes in the LDS faith but is also a
Mormon that was raised in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Having been raised with them, there appears to be
differences.
By my account, my wife has broken at least five of
the Ten Commandments during our short period of
time together and I see a definite pattern
developing and can’t help but wonder which
commandment will be broken next. Recently, when I
informed her that I requested that the police get
involved with the telephone calls that are being
received on our son’s cell phone from her main
Internet playboy boyfriend in Virginia, her
response leads me to believe that commandment #9
would be next. Yet, this is a person that has a
Temple Recommend from the LDS Church. I don’t
know about God and unlike many religions, I will
not pretend to speak on God’s behalf. However,
I do know that history will be the judge of the
type of person that we were during our life here
on Earth and how well we treated our fellow man.
Just as we judge our ancestors, historians will be
our judge as well.
A physical struggle took place recently (i.e.,
09-27-09) and was due to the children once again
trying to tell my wife that they did not want to
attend church with her that day but she just would
not listen to them or respect their requests. The
day before, I had asked my son if he wanted to
attend church the next day and he indicated that
he did not. I asked him several times and his
answer was always the same. I even mentioned to
him that his decision would probably result in an
argument with his mother. As result of my
conversation with him, I decided to defend their
decision not to go to church that day. During the
struggle, my daughter and I closed the door to my
room and my wife decided to throw a temper tantrum
by pounding and kicking on the door while our son
was on the other side where she was. During an
attempt to let him into the room, my wife fell.
A week later, after attending a Pilipino
Missionary reunion, she informed me that she
wanted to finalize our divorce and I whole
heartily agreed. During that mild mannered
conversation she indicated that she didn’t want
anymore bruises. I was totally surprised to find
out that during the struggle she was somehow
bruised and I figured that it must have happened
when she fell. I asked her point blank how she
got the bruise and she agreed that it happened
during her fall. Shortly after finding out that
she got hurt during the struggle, I thought about
how she lies, the pattern of commandments that she
is breaking and what lie she must have told her
mother about the incident. So I decided to ask
her mother if she was aware of my wife’s bruise
on her shoulder. Her mother indicated that she
was aware of the bruise and that my wife did not
tell her about the fall but instead let her
believe the worse.
The
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