First of all, I'm just updating other members of the church. I've decided to leave the Latter Day Saints. I've come to the conclusion that I truly have no future in the church that could lead to heart, hearth, home and family. It's the saddest conclusion I've hit upon in my life, that the one wish I may have wanted most in the world, I can't have. It's my fault, really. To be quite honest, I don't know how I could expect any man to accept my past, as I refuse to accept it, as well. You see, in the course of 21 years, I have successfully managed to ruin my self-esteem, my dignity, and any good name I had. I've slept with five men, all below my station. I've had intimacies with other men, and one woman. You may be wondering why I've decided to share this with so many people. It's much harder to create and sustain a lie than it is to tell the truth. There are so many other truths to be mentioned, but there are so many others that cannot be, simply because one heart cannot contain them, but I could not bear to make others share the burden of responsiblity as well. If any of my other YSA's read this, from my ward, they'll know how foolish I've been, and that it was the best solution I could come up with. I'm truly sorry if I have mislead anyone up to date.

I like reading the Book of Mormon. And I've found a great deal of peace and forgiveness in praying. But no matter the absolution that God can give me, I cannot forgive myself, and therefore I expect no other to forgive me.