Handsome, Nottinghill based movie star, millionaire, seeks gullible stunner...

I don't like big feet they remind me of gammon.

You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is a fresh shop, everything in here is FRESH! I will do well to shop here' You never go straight to the bit with the toilet paper, loo brushes and such do you? You'd think 'this is a POO shop! Everything in here is themed on POO!'

My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper. I want to follow in their footsteps. And their footsteps were like this. (Runs screaming) AAAAAAAH! I'm covered in beeeeees!

The National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, uh, people do." But I think, I think the gun helps. You know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that.

We never had Feng Shui in those days, so we put all our cupboards in the wrong place, and as a result all our businesses went bust. And that was the start of the great depression.

Oh, le singe est là-bas. Regarde! Il est sur une bicyclette, il joue au banjo, il fume une pipe. Maintenant il arrête, il lit un journau, il lit un journau…I see…et maintenant il est dans l'autobus, dans l’autobus…il conduit l'autobus, and et Sandra Bullock est dans l'autobus. Il y a une bombe dans l'autobus. Il faut conduire l'autobus plus de cinquante kilomètres par l'heure, et Keanu Reeves, il arrive dans la voiture…il n'a pas de cheveux, et Jeff Daniels est déjà mort. Et regarde! Il essaie à se jette dans l'autobus. Et Dennis Hopper, oh, Dennis Hopper, quel méchant!